Your burden, Your Call

To build the IT network infrastucture
To redeem the arts
To reach the lost
music to administer people

God, Your call seems bigger than what I can handle, but i'm gonna have faith.

Raising up Generations

Repairer of the Breach

Restorer of the streets to dwell in

Isaiah 58:12

For the cause of Christ

It is VERY easy to be tempted by life
under pressure and under pleasure

Under pressure, people's heart revealed
Under pleasure, people's desires revealed

I've learn t

If i'm going to build my house in heaven with woods and sticks, it shall be swept away
If i'm going to build my house in heaven with silver and gold, it shall be here to stay

Above all else

Character, Faith, Hope, Love

I'm gonna run after You
I'm gonna chase after You

I let my thoughts surrender to You
Change me, mould me, make me.

Love,
me

Need to... You are the light unto my path

Never let pride take over
I've learn t

It's true that i'm hard headed
It's true i want to win

But i realised
Life is not about winning arguements
Life is not about winning every battles
Life is not about shoving down people's throat in what you believe in

Yup, i'm a very head strong person
Yup, i am very persistence, especially if i'm right

My previous background made me that way,
My previous situations made me that way
My previous things that i had lived in my life made me that way

Previously i'm always been bullied
Previously i'm always been taking the punches
Previously i'm always been looked down upon every single day

But my life have change after i've met Christ
But now, i have to deal with this problem... all over again

God humble me even more
Guide my attitudes
Set my feet in Your ways
Set my eyes on to You

I will be more big hearted
I will be more big minded
I will be more sensitive
I will be more open-hearted

Thank you for the Cross

I will work my character even more

Love,
me

Leaving the Past

It's easy for me because of my background, to be prideful of what i've do
It's easy for me to become insecure because of what i've do not have due to the situations in my life

After these times, i've come to know this and i've come to understand how Job really feels

No matter what background
No matter what situations
No matter what things may come my way
Humbleness is a choice
I will choose to be humbled

No matter how much i was right, No matter how much i was wrong
I have grown to know God's heart even more
It was the scars that saved
Never was my pride, nor my accolades
Never was my encyclopedic mind
Never was my skills, abilities and talents
Never was my worldly wisdom
Never was my problem-solving thinking


God wants me to have - the right heart
The one and only thing that i've thought i've thought to have, but come to none

I'm not perfect

This shows, i'm still learning to get to know God even more
You have created me this way - I will be secure in You
You have humbled me - I want to have Your Heart
You have envisioned me - I want to do it in Your way

Not mine, if it's my own strength

I still have flaws to settle in my life. I'm gonna work on my flaws and strengthen my stakes.

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for saving my soul
Thank You for everything you've done in my life

I'm gonna do Your will
I'm gonna believe what You've believe in me doing
I'm gonna have faith things will start changing - from now

Thank You, my God
Thank You, my Lord
Thank You, my Pastors
Thank You, my Leaders
Thank You, my Great friends

Thank You

Love,
me

Here i stand, Humbled for You

I don't know why,
Burdens starting to come back to me,
The need to create infrastructures start to tug my heart once again
I've been getting revelations upon revelations on IT and Networking

Things i've never thought i would thought of
The things that once driven to my limits of my mind, soul and body

Now back

I don't know whether to smile or sad
But God, You have shown me that whatever burden You have given to me
I have to fulfill, in sweat and in blood.

God, it's really too big for me
But it means, God i need You even more

I'm going to stand in more discomfort now
But God, am i ready?

With my past prides, with my past failures
Am i ready?

Whatever You have said, i will do
I'm gonna believe You in my life, health, finance, career, family and relationships
I'm gonna believe
I'm gonna have faith even more

Love,
me

Mindset

Now.. after leaving the past behind from the previous post. Thanking people

Looking Forward

• Need to breakthrough in my life
• Administration
• Heart and Mind
  

Something in the past, not now.. Being grateful to :)

I just thought of something in the past, my relationship with a past best friend.

It's quite funny, just to think about it and it's just so real that it was passed so fast, so unnoticeable. I've took it very hard on myself and really didn't want to think of going on with the rest of my life (Til i know Christ). She is someone i've definitely loved before and also hope i can give her my best blessing to her, just for being that "Friend" that she could be.

It all started when i was secondary 1, when i first met her, i just stopped in my tracks and gasped. She was just asking to borrow a music book for music class. And time just stop that moment, i was mesmerized by her. My cheeks blushed (Talk about romantic teen stories) and i quickly, stumbling and flipping my bag to lend her my music book. It was awkward at first to start. That was really funny, and the shocking thing is, i was then a heavily disorganized person and my music scripts was supposed to stick to the music book, but i didn't really bothered to have the time to stick in. The embarrassing and amazing part is that when she returned to me, everything was sticked properly into that music book. She spent the whole lesson trying to help me stick the scripts into the the music book, flip by flip, page by page. At that time, i was feeling weird, yet grateful for her to help me in this simple thing (And yes, she remembered because of the sticking part took her a long time). But some how, it was kept in my heart.

Moments passed and a lot of things happened. A lot of things happened between us, both good and bad, but we were good friends that always talk on the way home as long i'd seen her along the way (Actually i did secretly waited for her also last time... now no secret (: ). Once in sec 2, i remembered there was this incident that in the early morning (we were both very early), and she asked me to teach her how to sing "Can't help falling in love with you" in the morning. And, the music man i am, immediately took out the music book from my bag (I ALWAYS bring a music book and recorder to practice and play everyday) and i've started teaching her how to sing (we were both in band also). She was just listening me singing and suddenly, one of her classmates then came up and ask, "Whatcha you two lovie dovie doing here?", i still remembered we both blushed very furiously, she quickly passed me back the book and we jolted back to our classrooms. Gosh.... i never knew until later.

But things start to happen, our first ever dinner was after a band performance we had and both of us was very hungry. I remember it was around 8pm that time and she asked me if want to go for dinner, we had it at the nearby shopping centre (near both of hers and mine house). She was having wanton noodles and i was having laksa. I still remembered that day cause after that, we both have diarrhea due to the not clean food. And we try not to eat there ever since.

After that Kovan became our favourite haunt as we ended up eating there almost everytime. It was fun. I remembered she showed me how to eat mcdonalds breakfast in a very "fine dining" way. She said that it was much better eating that way. We were pepperish perkish person and our hash browns must be very very filled with pepper.

I still remembered the cold war between us lasted for a year, just because i didn't write happy valentine's day to her on the card i given to her during valentine's day sec3. The actual reason why is that, i was busying completing my homework and decided to write later. Then, one of her girlfriends then came in and saw (she knows i liked her) and said, is this for her? Then she quickly took the card that was not written passed it to her before i could say anything, i was like. stunned. One thing is because i want to take time to think and write-up something nice. That lasted me til the very end of O levels. The whole level knows about the story between both of us.

Then, i've tried to explained to her after that after O levels, eventually we made-up and being great friends as still. Actually i don't know how to convey my feelings as i'm actually having inferior complex and fear in my life. But it was still good, we meet up every 1 to 2 times per week, msged her, even though i'm very busy in poly as i was performing with the wind orchestra and piano ensemble (rehearsals, overseas and locally), we made a commitment to meet each other every week at least 1 or 2 times to have dinner and spend quality time together, i still remembered taking her out on valentine's day dates at sizzler and celebrating her birthday and valentine's at Jack's place (I footed the bill and everything =D - ego ).

But things started to happen and because my lack of communication and conveying how my feelings towards her, she instead chose someone else on 14th February 2004 (She informed me). Well, i've blamed myself very drastically and was in depression for very long time (with the then depression i have already being in ever since young, it's like an add-on) because of the wrong words i've used and the wrong decisions i've made. But being lovingly, she stood by me for the whole year as i've learn t how to let go and only when i've met God, she went out of my life. For this i am eternally grateful to her.

Really, if she sees this post (I really hope so). Just want to say, i'm eternally grateful to you, bless you in your relationship and i am praying for you in your situation that you will know God. Meanwhile, thanks for everything that you've done in my life for that 7 years (Supposed to be in the preface part of the story) (:


It's a story that was opened and closed. But it is the moments that counts.

The whole point here is of a memory of the past. But i'm grateful and Thankful for you being my best friend during those times in my life. Thank you very much! (:

I have God now and i will keep on walking with God, running His race and fighting the good fight of faith. Great if you can know Him too!

Love,
me