I don't know why,
Burdens starting to come back to me,
The need to create infrastructures start to tug my heart once again
I've been getting revelations upon revelations on IT and Networking
Things i've never thought i would thought of
The things that once driven to my limits of my mind, soul and body
Now back
I don't know whether to smile or sad
But God, You have shown me that whatever burden You have given to me
I have to fulfill, in sweat and in blood.
God, it's really too big for me
But it means, God i need You even more
I'm going to stand in more discomfort now
But God, am i ready?
With my past prides, with my past failures
Am i ready?
Whatever You have said, i will do
I'm gonna believe You in my life, health, finance, career, family and relationships
I'm gonna believe
I'm gonna have faith even more
Love,
me
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Mindset
Now.. after leaving the past behind from the previous post. Thanking people
Looking Forward
Looking Forward
- Need to breakthrough in my life
- Administration
- Heart and Mind
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Something in the past, not now.. Being grateful to :)
I just thought of something in the past, my relationship with a past best friend.
It's quite funny, just to think about it and it's just so real that it was passed so fast, so unnoticeable. I've took it very hard on myself and really didn't want to think of going on with the rest of my life (Til i know Christ). She is someone i've definitely loved before and also hope i can give her my best blessing to her, just for being that "Friend" that she could be.
It all started when i was secondary 1, when i first met her, i just stopped in my tracks and gasped. She was just asking to borrow a music book for music class. And time just stop that moment, i was mesmerized by her. My cheeks blushed (Talk about romantic teen stories) and i quickly, stumbling and flipping my bag to lend her my music book. It was awkward at first to start. That was really funny, and the shocking thing is, i was then a heavily disorganized person and my music scripts was supposed to stick to the music book, but i didn't really bothered to have the time to stick in. The embarrassing and amazing part is that when she returned to me, everything was sticked properly into that music book. She spent the whole lesson trying to help me stick the scripts into the the music book, flip by flip, page by page. At that time, i was feeling weird, yet grateful for her to help me in this simple thing (And yes, she remembered because of the sticking part took her a long time). But some how, it was kept in my heart.
Moments passed and a lot of things happened. A lot of things happened between us, both good and bad, but we were good friends that always talk on the way home as long i'd seen her along the way (Actually i did secretly waited for her also last time... now no secret (: ). Once in sec 2, i remembered there was this incident that in the early morning (we were both very early), and she asked me to teach her how to sing "Can't help falling in love with you" in the morning. And, the music man i am, immediately took out the music book from my bag (I ALWAYS bring a music book and recorder to practice and play everyday) and i've started teaching her how to sing (we were both in band also). She was just listening me singing and suddenly, one of her classmates then came up and ask, "Whatcha you two lovie dovie doing here?", i still remembered we both blushed very furiously, she quickly passed me back the book and we jolted back to our classrooms. Gosh.... i never knew until later.
But things start to happen, our first ever dinner was after a band performance we had and both of us was very hungry. I remember it was around 8pm that time and she asked me if want to go for dinner, we had it at the nearby shopping centre (near both of hers and mine house). She was having wanton noodles and i was having laksa. I still remembered that day cause after that, we both have diarrhea due to the not clean food. And we try not to eat there ever since.
After that Kovan became our favourite haunt as we ended up eating there almost everytime. It was fun. I remembered she showed me how to eat mcdonalds breakfast in a very "fine dining" way. She said that it was much better eating that way. We were pepperish perkish person and our hash browns must be very very filled with pepper.
I still remembered the cold war between us lasted for a year, just because i didn't write happy valentine's day to her on the card i given to her during valentine's day sec3. The actual reason why is that, i was busying completing my homework and decided to write later. Then, one of her girlfriends then came in and saw (she knows i liked her) and said, is this for her? Then she quickly took the card that was not written passed it to her before i could say anything, i was like. stunned. One thing is because i want to take time to think and write-up something nice. That lasted me til the very end of O levels. The whole level knows about the story between both of us.
Then, i've tried to explained to her after that after O levels, eventually we made-up and being great friends as still. Actually i don't know how to convey my feelings as i'm actually having inferior complex and fear in my life. But it was still good, we meet up every 1 to 2 times per week, msged her, even though i'm very busy in poly as i was performing with the wind orchestra and piano ensemble (rehearsals, overseas and locally), we made a commitment to meet each other every week at least 1 or 2 times to have dinner and spend quality time together, i still remembered taking her out on valentine's day dates at sizzler and celebrating her birthday and valentine's at Jack's place (I footed the bill and everything =D - ego ).
But things started to happen and because my lack of communication and conveying how my feelings towards her, she instead chose someone else on 14th February 2004 (She informed me). Well, i've blamed myself very drastically and was in depression for very long time (with the then depression i have already being in ever since young, it's like an add-on) because of the wrong words i've used and the wrong decisions i've made. But being lovingly, she stood by me for the whole year as i've learn t how to let go and only when i've met God, she went out of my life. For this i am eternally grateful to her.
Really, if she sees this post (I really hope so). Just want to say, i'm eternally grateful to you, bless you in your relationship and i am praying for you in your situation that you will know God. Meanwhile, thanks for everything that you've done in my life for that 7 years (Supposed to be in the preface part of the story) (:
It's a story that was opened and closed. But it is the moments that counts.
The whole point here is of a memory of the past. But i'm grateful and Thankful for you being my best friend during those times in my life. Thank you very much! (:
I have God now and i will keep on walking with God, running His race and fighting the good fight of faith. Great if you can know Him too!
Love,
me
It's quite funny, just to think about it and it's just so real that it was passed so fast, so unnoticeable. I've took it very hard on myself and really didn't want to think of going on with the rest of my life (Til i know Christ). She is someone i've definitely loved before and also hope i can give her my best blessing to her, just for being that "Friend" that she could be.
It all started when i was secondary 1, when i first met her, i just stopped in my tracks and gasped. She was just asking to borrow a music book for music class. And time just stop that moment, i was mesmerized by her. My cheeks blushed (Talk about romantic teen stories) and i quickly, stumbling and flipping my bag to lend her my music book. It was awkward at first to start. That was really funny, and the shocking thing is, i was then a heavily disorganized person and my music scripts was supposed to stick to the music book, but i didn't really bothered to have the time to stick in. The embarrassing and amazing part is that when she returned to me, everything was sticked properly into that music book. She spent the whole lesson trying to help me stick the scripts into the the music book, flip by flip, page by page. At that time, i was feeling weird, yet grateful for her to help me in this simple thing (And yes, she remembered because of the sticking part took her a long time). But some how, it was kept in my heart.
Moments passed and a lot of things happened. A lot of things happened between us, both good and bad, but we were good friends that always talk on the way home as long i'd seen her along the way (Actually i did secretly waited for her also last time... now no secret (: ). Once in sec 2, i remembered there was this incident that in the early morning (we were both very early), and she asked me to teach her how to sing "Can't help falling in love with you" in the morning. And, the music man i am, immediately took out the music book from my bag (I ALWAYS bring a music book and recorder to practice and play everyday) and i've started teaching her how to sing (we were both in band also). She was just listening me singing and suddenly, one of her classmates then came up and ask, "Whatcha you two lovie dovie doing here?", i still remembered we both blushed very furiously, she quickly passed me back the book and we jolted back to our classrooms. Gosh.... i never knew until later.
But things start to happen, our first ever dinner was after a band performance we had and both of us was very hungry. I remember it was around 8pm that time and she asked me if want to go for dinner, we had it at the nearby shopping centre (near both of hers and mine house). She was having wanton noodles and i was having laksa. I still remembered that day cause after that, we both have diarrhea due to the not clean food. And we try not to eat there ever since.
After that Kovan became our favourite haunt as we ended up eating there almost everytime. It was fun. I remembered she showed me how to eat mcdonalds breakfast in a very "fine dining" way. She said that it was much better eating that way. We were pepperish perkish person and our hash browns must be very very filled with pepper.
I still remembered the cold war between us lasted for a year, just because i didn't write happy valentine's day to her on the card i given to her during valentine's day sec3. The actual reason why is that, i was busying completing my homework and decided to write later. Then, one of her girlfriends then came in and saw (she knows i liked her) and said, is this for her? Then she quickly took the card that was not written passed it to her before i could say anything, i was like. stunned. One thing is because i want to take time to think and write-up something nice. That lasted me til the very end of O levels. The whole level knows about the story between both of us.
Then, i've tried to explained to her after that after O levels, eventually we made-up and being great friends as still. Actually i don't know how to convey my feelings as i'm actually having inferior complex and fear in my life. But it was still good, we meet up every 1 to 2 times per week, msged her, even though i'm very busy in poly as i was performing with the wind orchestra and piano ensemble (rehearsals, overseas and locally), we made a commitment to meet each other every week at least 1 or 2 times to have dinner and spend quality time together, i still remembered taking her out on valentine's day dates at sizzler and celebrating her birthday and valentine's at Jack's place (I footed the bill and everything =D - ego ).
But things started to happen and because my lack of communication and conveying how my feelings towards her, she instead chose someone else on 14th February 2004 (She informed me). Well, i've blamed myself very drastically and was in depression for very long time (with the then depression i have already being in ever since young, it's like an add-on) because of the wrong words i've used and the wrong decisions i've made. But being lovingly, she stood by me for the whole year as i've learn t how to let go and only when i've met God, she went out of my life. For this i am eternally grateful to her.
Really, if she sees this post (I really hope so). Just want to say, i'm eternally grateful to you, bless you in your relationship and i am praying for you in your situation that you will know God. Meanwhile, thanks for everything that you've done in my life for that 7 years (Supposed to be in the preface part of the story) (:
It's a story that was opened and closed. But it is the moments that counts.
The whole point here is of a memory of the past. But i'm grateful and Thankful for you being my best friend during those times in my life. Thank you very much! (:
I have God now and i will keep on walking with God, running His race and fighting the good fight of faith. Great if you can know Him too!
Love,
me
Friday, November 6, 2009
Fever Fever Fever Fever!
I really don't know what's happening to me: Sinus infection, fever non stop.
I have borderline fever every single day @ 37.7 to high fever @ 38 ++ degrees celsius!
Gosh, it's not good as it's gonna eat up into doing my work, talking to people.
I'm seriously not sure what's going on, but i really want to have a healthy life first before anything else, can't swim, can't exercise, too tired, hard to think... But, i'm sure God has a way! (:
If He can bring my tumor swelling down, i'm sure He can bring this down too!
Love,
me
I have borderline fever every single day @ 37.7 to high fever @ 38 ++ degrees celsius!
Gosh, it's not good as it's gonna eat up into doing my work, talking to people.
I'm seriously not sure what's going on, but i really want to have a healthy life first before anything else, can't swim, can't exercise, too tired, hard to think... But, i'm sure God has a way! (:
If He can bring my tumor swelling down, i'm sure He can bring this down too!
Love,
me
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Visions
For every visions, there will be adversaries, depending on how big the vision is
Yesterday's Sermon was awesome! SP preached something that is so basic, insightful and so powerful!
Hearing God has 2 things: Faith and Obedience. To Hear God, you need both faith to see and obedience to listen and follow. This has been so timely to apply in my life.
I think I'm a person who worries a lot, thinking things that might happen this way or that way. Especially what's happening these few months, i'm not sure whether things will go out fine or not. But everytime, I need God's constant assurance of my vision and also the faith to move on. To me, having faith is always a problem because most of the time i'm not a very confident person myself.
Having said that, i've realised that putting trust into God's Word and Vision is always a problem, because i'm not sure whether i can make it, and when obstacles come my way, even though i have all the answers and all the creativity that i have to go through, but i'm always scare to move on. The problem was always with me. Doubt has filled my heart.
During yesterday's sermon, God gave me a re-vision of what He plans for me in the future when i have it ever since the past few years back. But this time, i'm going to react differently. I'm going to start to have more faith, despite it seems hard, i'm going plan, administrate, pray and also excel in what i've do. No matter what is the circumstances, no matter what's my health condition is. I WILL WORK and DO IT.
It seems hard, especially with all the situations now. But i'll do it.
My heart is stronger, because i have God. I shall stop worrying so much and just do things as He wills. Cause He knows everything. He loves me, so I will love Him back to do His will, to carry the burden of the church and be a great builder of God's House.
It's always great to have Awesome SPs and no matter what happens i'm going to build this House.
Isaiah 58:12 - Building Generations, Restoration and Repairer of the Breach. This will always be my life vision.
Love,
me
Yesterday's Sermon was awesome! SP preached something that is so basic, insightful and so powerful!
Hearing God has 2 things: Faith and Obedience. To Hear God, you need both faith to see and obedience to listen and follow. This has been so timely to apply in my life.
I think I'm a person who worries a lot, thinking things that might happen this way or that way. Especially what's happening these few months, i'm not sure whether things will go out fine or not. But everytime, I need God's constant assurance of my vision and also the faith to move on. To me, having faith is always a problem because most of the time i'm not a very confident person myself.
Having said that, i've realised that putting trust into God's Word and Vision is always a problem, because i'm not sure whether i can make it, and when obstacles come my way, even though i have all the answers and all the creativity that i have to go through, but i'm always scare to move on. The problem was always with me. Doubt has filled my heart.
During yesterday's sermon, God gave me a re-vision of what He plans for me in the future when i have it ever since the past few years back. But this time, i'm going to react differently. I'm going to start to have more faith, despite it seems hard, i'm going plan, administrate, pray and also excel in what i've do. No matter what is the circumstances, no matter what's my health condition is. I WILL WORK and DO IT.
It seems hard, especially with all the situations now. But i'll do it.
My heart is stronger, because i have God. I shall stop worrying so much and just do things as He wills. Cause He knows everything. He loves me, so I will love Him back to do His will, to carry the burden of the church and be a great builder of God's House.
It's always great to have Awesome SPs and no matter what happens i'm going to build this House.
Isaiah 58:12 - Building Generations, Restoration and Repairer of the Breach. This will always be my life vision.
Love,
me
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Busy-ness
Wow! Busy-ness really took a toll with everything coming in my life!
But i remembered, you can be busy, but never too busy for God!
Haha, last week was my 24 birthday and i received a nice card and with celebrations. Kudos and thank you to my cg, zone and friends! Love you all dearly (:
Having said this. The past few months has been a roller coaster ride filled with misunderstandings, performance, and an opera show led to an sudden halt. Now trying to piece back the puzzles and getting back everything in to everyday's life. Things are starting to move finally! But i'm glad it is over yet, more things to come!
Although life starts to come back to normal and everything is on the move, one thing now is that i still remembered the Dreams and Visions of God have been given to me and no matter what happens, i'm gonna cling on to them and i'm believing it's gonna come to pass! And no matter what happens, God's Dreams and Visions is bigger and God has the bigger picture in my life! Living a life in God's will is my desire!
God, i'm gonna lift You Higher! (I don't know how though, but i'll have faith! (: )
Through Mountains and ridges, through valleys and storms, i'll live for You no matter what happens
Isaish 58:12 - Building Generations, Repairer of the Breach and Restorer of the streets to dwell in.
No matter what, I'm following and running after You. No one else. You are the center and love of my life.
P.S - Pastors and Leaders are amazing! (:
Love,
me
But i remembered, you can be busy, but never too busy for God!
Haha, last week was my 24 birthday and i received a nice card and with celebrations. Kudos and thank you to my cg, zone and friends! Love you all dearly (:
Having said this. The past few months has been a roller coaster ride filled with misunderstandings, performance, and an opera show led to an sudden halt. Now trying to piece back the puzzles and getting back everything in to everyday's life. Things are starting to move finally! But i'm glad it is over yet, more things to come!
Although life starts to come back to normal and everything is on the move, one thing now is that i still remembered the Dreams and Visions of God have been given to me and no matter what happens, i'm gonna cling on to them and i'm believing it's gonna come to pass! And no matter what happens, God's Dreams and Visions is bigger and God has the bigger picture in my life! Living a life in God's will is my desire!
God, i'm gonna lift You Higher! (I don't know how though, but i'll have faith! (: )
Through Mountains and ridges, through valleys and storms, i'll live for You no matter what happens
Isaish 58:12 - Building Generations, Repairer of the Breach and Restorer of the streets to dwell in.
No matter what, I'm following and running after You. No one else. You are the center and love of my life.
P.S - Pastors and Leaders are amazing! (:
Love,
me
Monday, October 5, 2009
Structural View
I've notice in many programmers and there is a point that it is our greatest strength and flaw (including myself),
We are eagerly trying to solve one problem and keep on trying til it gets right.
That is our greatest strength, it keeps pouring in ideas and algorithms, different ways to make the job works whatever it takes, focusing on the task and solving it. The greatest pleasure will come when the task is finally solved and everything got it correct. Things will be smooth.
However, it is also our greatest flaw also, is that during that time, we keep on focusing our task too much that our mind will go into a spiral of movements, trying everything in your brains and racking it out the details to solve that one single problem. Despite we've tried all ways, all things, but yet we can't get it working or moving.
What we see is flawed. What we understand is flawed. What information we had is flawed also. Most of the time is about getting a different perspectives to look at the situation to find the solutions.
Problems may look simple, but can be complex. But the solution may be simple to be solve.
A lot of times, we fail to see the the problem is not with the problem, but it's with us.
It applies to each of us (including me) on a regular basis in real life.
We tend to see the problem and trying push the "button" that it was someone else's fault, or it was the coding error or it was someone else that causes the error.
We need to take another view, the problem probably cause by/causing a lot of other problems that affects. It is us that we need to take the next step see if it is ourselves, other components that affecting or causing effects, and then step by step, rectifying it.
Problems are not always 2D, especially we are in a 3D world, where everything has it's depths. That made us even better as we have another dimension which is God where all things can bee seen in different view.
Think in a different view, 2 D, 3 D or even 4 D
let's solve life's problem this way! (:
Love,
me
We are eagerly trying to solve one problem and keep on trying til it gets right.
That is our greatest strength, it keeps pouring in ideas and algorithms, different ways to make the job works whatever it takes, focusing on the task and solving it. The greatest pleasure will come when the task is finally solved and everything got it correct. Things will be smooth.
However, it is also our greatest flaw also, is that during that time, we keep on focusing our task too much that our mind will go into a spiral of movements, trying everything in your brains and racking it out the details to solve that one single problem. Despite we've tried all ways, all things, but yet we can't get it working or moving.
What we see is flawed. What we understand is flawed. What information we had is flawed also. Most of the time is about getting a different perspectives to look at the situation to find the solutions.
Problems may look simple, but can be complex. But the solution may be simple to be solve.
A lot of times, we fail to see the the problem is not with the problem, but it's with us.
It applies to each of us (including me) on a regular basis in real life.
We tend to see the problem and trying push the "button" that it was someone else's fault, or it was the coding error or it was someone else that causes the error.
We need to take another view, the problem probably cause by/causing a lot of other problems that affects. It is us that we need to take the next step see if it is ourselves, other components that affecting or causing effects, and then step by step, rectifying it.
Problems are not always 2D, especially we are in a 3D world, where everything has it's depths. That made us even better as we have another dimension which is God where all things can bee seen in different view.
Think in a different view, 2 D, 3 D or even 4 D
let's solve life's problem this way! (:
Love,
me
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