Relationships

I think it's really time for me to share, what's my view in relationships. Especially when people try to figure why i'm like this or like that, it's easier to communicate on my views and what are the rules that i've abide and the pact i have with myself ever since young. Especially it's to clear out misunderstandings between anyone and also what i've like and dislike in a good friendship.

Romance vs Friendship:
It's a balance of both. But i always tell people ever since when i was pri 3 that relationships are build on friendships (and trust). It's not because i'm smarter, but it's just that i'm just very observant and very "feeling" ever since young. It's how i see on movies, tv shows and also in normal human (Relatives, Family and Friends lives) activities. It takes me quite long to evaluate on how people works (Trust me, i'm still learning it), but i've found out is that from that point. Romance is just works like a fuel (and a spark) and often goes out after one day, or even 3 months. At least, that was what i've found when i was already counselling with girls or just simply hanging out with the group of girls just to find out how their lives.

Talking about this, then everyone will say ooo... so i like girls to be friends only, then thought that i'm gay or some feminist. Well, to clear out understanding, what i've said that it's not just about the eyes that meet or the sweet words that have been said, but what i'm looking for was the commitment, direction in life to be the same.

Then people will think about the things i've done or the bad decisions or some things i've done wrong. The first thing is that i have 2 main problems i've struggled in life:

Emotional Health and Anxiety (Too feeling and Too hyperactive in thinking)
First thing, Hyperactive is one of the main driving factors why i'm think a lot and evaluate a lot myself and people, due to my family conditions and strict traditional rules, my quick thinking and quizzically questions makes people (especially my family stumble for words and wonder why i need to know so much). So i've grown up to be restrictive and passive, but the inner me wasn't like that, i like to ask questions, i like to try things, but because of experienced deep pain, or deep/constant shame, i was put down in every way, and due to my lack of people spending quality time with me, i've become anxious in friendships, seeking to please people instead of understanding and working out, and also did crazy things to seek people attention. I was bore down by insecurities and inferiority complex. Passive and yet inner self have so much anguish, pride, insecurity, self-doubt of my beliefs and fear.

Yet, in spite of all these things, i believe in this relationships that is born out of friendships, mutual understanding and of course, Romance (Bet no one thought of that i will think about it). It like a structure, that fills up with things, bonds that strengthen the structure. It's a structure to love and love.

Before i jump into what i've believe and followed in, i'll show how what i've thought of how a relationship is like:

Friendship - 60%
Romance - 40%
Commitment & Willingness, Direction in life - 100%
Total: 200%

This haven't really varied much ever since the last time i've set these rules.. which is pri 3

It just shows that to me, a relationship worth keeping, will be keeping with me forever. (It's like a relationship with God) (:

But of course, nobody can come into this type of standards, but this is my perspectives of how i will work out my relationship:

In order:
- Spark & Chemistry
- Bond
- Evaluation of direction in life
- Time (Building of Friendships and to evaluate and sifting)
- Willingness
- Commitment

To me is a norm for myself, even though i've communicated my thoughts about my views to people, people still "huh?" at me. It's understandable, cause, i was in primary sch, in secondary sch, and who will want to understand this type of complex structure? It's about the hormones!!! Haha, joking..

But this is how i self-evaluate, evaluating with people and work and (think too much and research). Haha, that's why i can come out with hypothesis of pluto's orbit in secondary school, and all the interesting scientific ideas i've came out (It's still in drawing form too! Records of it much) .

Please don't ask me if why it is similar to what SPs preached about, but this is what i've hanged on all these years.

Time test:

For Spark & Chemistry and Bond (This is meaning of like-mindedness)
It's self explanatory, Cause most of my first level attractions will be only till here. It will be gone by weeks or months and kinda fizzled out like sprite.

Second level will be the Direction in life, what we are doing, what is the main drive and passion in life. To me it's important as of from young, i've been always wanted to be a musician or a scientist, that's drives my passion. But due to not much support in life, i've need to grind through old books, research personally and people laughing at me why i'm doing it while they are so relax in life. Well, this is my vision and mission to be (At least at that point of time). So, I need to have someone who understands and agrees with me on what i've doing and can relate properly on the things i've done. It will be terrible if my partner doesn't have knowledge or limited knowledge because ultimately we can't communicate. I can't imagine the consequences of it.

Third level will be Time:
This is when, to get to know each other even more and also the willingness to build a friendship, sometimes this is where direction in life starts to tweak and a lot of sifting out to see whether is it real or is it not real. I totally know that Time is the essence and also even though with my insecurities, i'm prepared and willing to lose it all in the end. This is really patience (I've been through once, and i know it's traumatizing, if you don't know the previous story). But this is where real commitment and willingness comes in, where all the other attractions comes in one and another, this is when it is most vulnerable, this when thoughts coming in like, do i really like this guy? This guy have a lot of flaws despite he have talents or is gentle or something something something. But this is also when my passiveness comes in and complacency (My fault will come in too, so i need to keep myself in check). Romance comes in when friendship develops willingly. Although i've hope this ideal, but no matter, it's more than this.


Fourth and Final Level: Willingness & Commitment
This is when feelings that holds for years and friendship builds (with romance) will accumulate that this girl is who i want to stay the rest of my life with. If anyone wants to rush, i rather it is not me, cause, to me, relationship is about willingness & commitment with all the 3 levels before first.


That kinds of sums it up what rules i've set myself ever since young. similar hur? haha, you can always ask my pri/sec friends about it though.


Hope it clears out to anyone who reading this! And i'm quite relieved that i'm sharing this after years and years and eons of misunderstanding, to put it down into words and correct understanding and feelings. Friendships are always important! (:

Love,
me