Simple Love of God

Helpfulness and Intentions

2011-08-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

One thing i'll hold true in life:

If you help with the intentions of other people or situation succeed
without self-helping yourself, that will be a true help.
If rewards comes, take it.
If even it doesn't, you have done your best.
If no recognition given to you. Just bear with it.
Love them even more even if Love is not returned

Just remember: It is commendable by God

Profiling situations with different perspective is important, and the way to help is different for every profile

Sometimes, it is easy to get into a spot at helping people or the situations when without taking care of my own problems.
Sometimes, it is just as easy to get yourself into a spot where people will misunderstand your intentions to bring love and help, without seeing the whole situation.

I may still have issues in my life, but i'll eventually come to a point of sanctifying my issues in God. But to help things at hand, is the utmost importance. I will struggle too when my issues intersects with the issues/situations that i'm helping. It's not easy, but with God, i've went through.

I'll rather fear God than fear men. even though one of my own issues is insecurity.

That is what love is.

Love is patience, Love is kind

Resilience of the heart

Love,
Chek Yeow

Just some thoughts. . .

2011-05-18T01:35:00.000+08:00

There's been quite a lot of questions in my life i want to ask:

Will I succeed in life?
Will I ever overcome my weaknesses?
Will I achieve sustainable idealism?
Will things be solved?
Will things reconcile?
Will I be able to serve God in where He wants me to serve?

There's a lot more of the thoughts that i'm seeing right now. There are lots more of this as i'm going on everyday of my life. Weaknesses made me realised that i need God even more and kept me on the ground. The situation now look to me that i've still got some way to go on. Situation will come to test my stand, my character and integrity to the issue and why i've chosen.

Will situation reconcile? I've don't know. Will i be able to be placed in what God wants me to serve? I'm not sure either. There's more to things that i've don't know than i've current know.

But one thing i have. is I've got Faith

I'm not too sure of how God leads me, or how i can be a son of this House. But I believe all things will work together for good to those who love Him, according to His Purposes.

I Believe.

For things that unfortunately happened to me, i'll treat it as a lesson for me to learn to move on

For blessings that came, i thank God for every blessings in my life

The feeling right now is that my Role is not yet fixed and God is still guiding me to what i can be in Him. But my constant prayers will be:

"To have a bigger heart and bigger mind to people"

"To be able to love people even to the smallest things"

"Being readily forgiving and forgivable"

"To have SPs DNA and to flow with the church through seasons and times"

"To have a strong prayer and worship life with God"

"To always continuing to able to bless people and empower them to their destiny"

"To always have a heart for the younger generations"

"To be able to manage my weaknesses even better than i'm now"

Enlarge. Empower. Equip. To have God Enthroned in my life.

My Outlook, no matter what type of weather is it, i'll still have Faith , Hope and Love

And my Purpose in Life is to Love God, Love People and Love Life.

I Love SPs, leaders and church.

I have a great life in God

Thank you Lord :)

This year Election thoughts

2011-05-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts after viewing the elections

Happy that PAP won, well done to the opposition party who won Aljunid and sad to see good people like George Yeo and Dr Chiam goes off the stage.

But ultimately, it's time for Singapore to be a better Singapore

From this election, i've learnt that how the opposition fare are so intertwined with the situations and also policies that is so close to the heart of every singaporean.

People integrity is shown on election rallies on how people react, pro-act and how issues raise.

Whatever thoughts came from the mouth, comes from the heart on each people. It shows the power of influence, the realness of the situation and also how people debate. It also shows a person integrity to question, what was done right or wrong and how they perceived

The vote was casted and the election has spoken.

Well to me, getting people lives changed by the power of God and saved is worth a million times more.

But just an after thought and questions to ask all:
What is a Singaporean dream?
What is the maslow level of a Singaporean dream?
Will that dream be bigger than family, money, lifestyle and living? Although all are important?

Just a neutral view and questions on today's singapore.

Well that's all folks!

Love,
CY

New Post 2011

2011-04-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

Hi!

Looks like i haven't being able to blog for very long.

Lots of things happened... but i'm happy

2 parts to this blog:

Opinion
Blogging

Today during easter service, when everyone who are getting water baptised are doing it, i've noticed something (Others may noticed it to).

It is a kite that was flying in the backdrop, flying high in the sky, trying to fight against the wind.

Then i've thought "Hey! That's an inspiration to write something!" and here i am writing it.

Many times people may think a Christian life is like a kite, trying to fight against every current of the world and stay a float if you can as long you hold on to God.

It is good, but, what if there's no wind?

So, i preferred (in my opinion) to think that a Christian life is like an aeroplane, or rather, a fighter plane that fight against currents and keep on moving forward to the points of destination that God wants us to be in.

Kite floats. But Planes fly.

This same fighting against the aerodynamics to stay afloat and yet, moving forward.

I so much want to be part with SPs, Leaders which they are moving forward, advancing

To be able to train and raise up people who are not just strong in God and but strong and equipped for the people to be able to have relevance to the world so that they can relate and be Salt and Light in the world.

But reality check, i'm not really there yet. really, not there, yet.

Due to Migraines which has been worsened previously through the years , i've realised that i've myself didn't keep my health (physically and mentally) in check. To my horror, the migraines i have limits a lot of my thinking, my reason to understand and also pain in remembering things.

It just not just affecting my emotions, physical life, it affects my relationship with people. My learning curve was slow and i can't comprehend things properly as i have been able to before.

But the all i can blame that the migraines happens to me, but the only thing i can blame was. me.

I didn't take care of my emotions, didn't take care properly of the things i have in my life. I tend to worked too much on both emotions, physical and mentally that now i'm receiving the recoiled of my failure to take care of things.

One thing that i know, i wasn't having peace

When God saved me, i have first having the peace i have in my heart, but that was the start

Because of so much things i've held on to in my life, God have to bring me trials and tribulations in my life just to grind away my thoughts, my heart and my soul, which have caused me much pain, whether right or whether wrong in my life, or what i've experienced.

But i'm glad.. very

Without this much grinding, stretching, breaking, taking out my insecurities and mindsets, i wouldn't be what i am today.

Without SPs Word and Leaders, i wouldn't have also done it

I've realised to be me 7 yrs ago was totally emotionally pain, to the very point of psychotic

Right now, i'm very grateful and i've thank God that i've changed too

I'm gonna keep running, keep on working hard now as i recover from this migraines, it's gonna take some time, but i'll get there.

To get myself equipped, so i can equip and train others with what my hands can convey. Be it be music.., IT.. or everything else, i'll keep on doing what i've can so i the ultimate aim is to be able train and equip others with whatever things i can do

Thank you God, SPs, Leaders and Church. No matter what i'm gonna give my 200% as i recover and i'll keep on learning and getting even equipped to be able to use what my hands can do so that the next generation and even the generations down will be able to be blessed.

Much Love,

New Year 2011

2011-01-03T00:26:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's been a long year ever since i've blogged..

To me, this season has been a long one..

Lots of hurdles, lots of things happened and lots of types of things happened to me

But i'm glad i'm hanging on to Your Faith

To many, it's very puzzling so many things have happened to me, may it be personal, career, relationships, everything. Some maybe thinking of sowing and reaping of things done.

Well.. it's a bit and it's definitely segregated out (I love God for this, isolation in different situations.. He CAN)

God allows trials in my life when the good and the bad things surface, makes me keep on evaluating and keep on changing so i can arise and overcome the situation step by step.

But i remembered what God clearly told me for this season ever since 2008:

It is a time when trials comes like thunder and both my strengths and weaknesses will be shown. However, for every situation, God will give me the wisdom in counsel and in turn strengthen the people around me.

I've been foretold many things by God which He reveals, and it's still amazing that so many things happened according to His Word. Indeed there's not a shadow of a doubt that everything happened accordingly. (Somehow i'm not surprise also)

This Darkness of the trials that i'm willingly to walk into, i'm glad that i've hanged on to God, His Words and His Counsel (although sometimes unwillingly, but He shown me).

During this long trial, God shown me that what it is to be running on half fuel or running with only one hand functioning. It gives me a wake up call to know what's the meaning of maintaining a prudent lifestyle to make sure i am being healthy (Mind, Heart, Soul and Spirit), have some finances and also knowing that i can't rely on personal knowledge without growing my mindset and changes (Although my migraines was the ones which limited my abilities)

Year 2011 will be a great year! After a long season, it's finally time for me to run on full tank and even more, running 300% then what was it to be previously! I'm looking forward to this Year, where my bindings unleashed and broken chains where i'm going run surpassing my current knowledge and abilities. 2011 year will be a great year. :)

I'm just glad. The Blessings i've given, the choices i've withhold, the decision i've made and remake. It's definitely gonna be awesome. No matter how people thinks, i think it will be awesome :)

Love God, Love People, Love Life. - I'm gonna ACE this year!

Love,
me

Fight the Good fight of Faith

2010-07-23T21:47:00.000+08:00

Fight..

In many times is always an uphill battle for me.
I've been fighting like this ever since young.

But now i know that i'm not alone,
I have God, Great SPs, leaders and friends

Been very tired for a long time
But i can be tired, yet smiling :)

Thank God for this great Family i have

Love,
me

Made a Promise

2010-07-09T00:02:00.000+08:00

In Memory of Mr Hashim, my primary sch conductor and Music mentor (Deceased)

I'll keep playing music

In Memory and promised that i've made with my Music Buddy Reub. Kee 6 yrs ago (Deceased)

I'll keep making music

In promise and thanks to my music mentor "Laoshi"

I'll keep doing and learning music

In promise and thanks to my SPs, leaders and friends

I'll carry the vision with you all

In promise and love with God

I'll keep my convictions, my calling, vision and dreams

A lot of things i have and will hold true to

And i have one focus: Touching people, changing lives, building people, changing generations

And i believe in the meaning of pure friendships

Idealistic? Sounds big? My God is bigger than me (:

I rather live and die trying my best in all situations, despite my circumstance, no matter which advantage or disadvantage side i'm on.

Life is short, Life is good. (:

True to the heart, true to the soul, true to the mind.

Love,

Keep forward

2010-06-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

Just have to look forward now
Can't change the past, can't i?

What's done has been done,
What's past has been past

Just have to move forward
Keep trying
Keep doing
Keep the dreams & visions alive
Keep looking forward
Keep improving

I believe what God has given me, i'll be able to fulfill it,
although how is another question, but i trust You though

Love,
me

Inspiration

2010-05-31T00:25:00.001+08:00

Another song i've written

C C/B

Unreservedly

G/A Am

Undeservedly

F G C/G

Your love have set me free

C C/B

Lifted high

G/A Am

I will praise Your Name

Dm G C

For my life, You've set me free

C Cmaj7 Am Am dim7

I will Praise You all my days

F G C Cmaj7

For You have won my heart

C Cmaj7 Am Am dim7

I will Praise You all my ways

Dm G C

For You have gave Your only Son

Hope everyone will like it, feel free to ask how this song is sung. (:

Love,

#thoughts#

2010-05-29T01:31:00.002+08:00

虽一言难津心知难测
但一丝不苟爱深井知

I'll still love all the same

2010-05-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

To me, it doesn't need what it needs to be, i still love all the same

God first

I'll honor what God has spoken to me to have faith and hope but the same time being always ready to let go when it needed to be, because Nothing is ever bigger than God. If He can give, He can take away

My heart will still say
Lord blessed be Your Name

In my greatest sorrows and my greatest joy. I will still fly Your banner up high

Lord Blessed be Your Name
Lord Blessed be Your Name

复一幅 Another inspiration

2010-05-25T20:42:00.002+08:00

Another inspiration came:

至一册封面，复一幅信
人为心难测，复一幅情
天于人联合，复一幅景
十字架的针，复一幅爱

The meaning of this self created poem is:

in English:

Covering the pages, sending a message (John 3:16 Sending His love down to us)
For the heart of man are complicated, that shows we need God's compassion (The history of man)
When God meets man (Jesus - Book of Matthew, when John baptise Jesus by the river), The view of perfection
Nailed on the Cross, shows the picture of perfected love (The Sacrifice that's on the cross that show the perfected love of God to man)

Ensemble works!

2010-05-24T01:29:00.001+08:00

A List of Ensemble practice works i'm doing right now:

List of Ensemble works:
Opus 1 - String work - Movement 1 is Done!

Short movement, more of a prelude. Grand, focus on balances and unison playing. upscale and downscale movements, focus on harmony and sound. (Quartet, Quintet - Bass doubled) - sound clip will be posted soon!

Waiting list - in the Pipeline
Strings
String work

Opus 1 - Movement 2 - Cantabile
Opus 1 - Movement 3 - Vivace!
Opus 2 - Movement 1 - Jazzing the moon

Woodwind
Wind works

Opus 1 - Mvmt. 1 - Hoe down - The fiddle way!
Opus 1 - Mvmt. 2 - Jazz/Blues
Opus 1 - Mvmt. 3 - Wind Symphonic

Brass
Brass works

Opus 1 - Mvmt. 1 - Festive
Opus 2 - Mvmt. 2 - Jazz-ing
Opus 3 - Mvmt. 3 - Air Symphony

美丽的回忆 - some random inspiration chinese song i've wrote

2010-05-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

Just thought of writing this romantic song in Chinese, some random inspiration:

爱你是我最得意的事情
想你在我脸上代上你的笑容
等你虽然是最痛苦的意义
但是你在我生命让我想起了你

回忆使我感受甜酸的心
于你我于痛苦里的甜蜜
但你却让我时时的等待
恰是你的温柔使我软了心

喜怒哀乐
淤你的过去你的未来
让我深信

一言难津
那些甜酸的回忆
但能够让我相信

美丽的回忆

2010-05-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

it's quite tiring, nowadays my sleep patterns are 9 - 11 pm - 5 - 7am

easily tired after doing work

still having migraines

still feeling tired/lethargic/or can't really think much.

But 2 thing different now

first thing although i'm on long term medication now, but 2nd thing is that no matter how easily tired i can be, i still have faith. Although my efficiency time is lesser, i want to fully able to use it to my best usage.

Need to fully able to plan things well, this is a crucial time for me, even though how much tired am i.

I will be able to administrate, do things efficiently!

Love,

尊重 - Respect

2010-05-17T02:21:00.001+08:00

这是我的想法：

因为我十多年来
一直困扰着我的头痛
没办法能够对人与人之间好好沟通与和睦共处

那麽，我写一手诗
希望我的想法能够给大家了解

人与人之间情议，重
人与人之间情议，和
人与神之间情意，实
人与神之间情感，爱
人与人之散心知，放
人与事物之间，让祖
人与战斗之间，胜于君
人与人爱之间，情线以分
人与爱人之间，柔与钢以时之分
人与罪孽之间，训与饶恕以祖的爱
人与人过犯之间，慷慨解囊与神的恩典
人与人的了解，以知己而聊
人与上余下之间，以行知心知
人，不是万能的，但是因为与人我们又对于错
因为这样，互相学习与分析

爱，可不是就是这样吗？祖给我们的爱，就是那麽伟大!!

爱，
智耀之笔

Our thoughts - the Zoo

2010-05-13T00:05:00.000+08:00

Our Thoughts can be like a Zoo..
It really depends on which animals you put it in

Some people placed more monkeys
Some people placed more snakes
Some people placed even tarantulas
Some people placed elephants
Some people placed horses, zebras
Some people placed even ponies or donkeys
Some people placed more Lions
Some people placed more Tigers

Whatever you have put it in, Your thoughts will be like that, whatever things You've allowed to put it into your life becomes whatever things.

it's never balanced as life may have more than one animal to the other
But, ultimately, it's whether you allow the animals to reside in your own zoo.

Take care of our thoughts, Whatever God gives us, it will be.

Love,
me

2010-05-12T00:30:00.001+08:00

I only can blame myself

For being very nice

For not healthy

For not be able to communicate

For a start, i'm not well being able to be a communicator

I had Chronic Migraine for 14 yrs and more. But..

Why didn't i've notice that it was a chronic migraine instead of a headache?

Why didn't i've notice things able to slip my mind because of the bad migraines that's causing the problem

Why didn't i've notice that it was my migraines that cause my performance instead of blaming that i'm not well verse

Why didn't i've noticed that being very nice is also a display of low self-esteem and insecureness?

Why didn't i've noticed that if i don't communicate, things won't get through

Why? Why? Why?

Fatigue sets in because of not able to administrate timelines well, not because of not able to do it, but because of trying to appease people's request (being nice)

Migraines, fatiguing, depression, it's a always downwards spiral

Even though when finally comes to light, i have to slowly recover to be back my usual performance

But, Better late than never

All these problems surfaced when i was faced with so much problems in my life, health and money

But i'm glad

God pointed all these things out so that despite i've failed in all 3 things in my life, i'm still be able to get up again

I remembered that in the Bible, it says

Proverbs 24:16

"For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity."

Now knowing my weakness, now knowing what satan can cause me my achilles heel, i'm going to be vigilant in doing things:

Administrate my life like no other in health, money and life

To be a communicator

To be confident of knowledge, but not arrogant

To be a person of the Word

To love people, but not to be susceptible to people's personal desires

To not sunk into my own anxieties and worries, thinking too much, overly-sensitive again

Not to let worries and life to waiver my dreams and vision in God.

I'm gonna worked towards it relentlessly, tirelessly

God, let Your wisdom, let the reverent fear of You be my Guide

I shall not waiver.

Thank You God for putting back me into perspectives. You are the first best thing in my life. Always.

Love,

Convictions, thoughts and plans

2010-05-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

Some convictions in thinking and putting in action, especially i'm this age:

I rather marry right
Than marry and my life, visions, direction and compromise things in life and then life just died on itself.

Cause no point going through the hassle of all these and then in the end, my life being compromised

I will really think and say that, it's 文不对题。话不对说

I rather wait, then to just find one and rush in marriage. That will be the worst thing i'll do.

Love cannot be forced.

Master. Mission. Mate. That's what i look for. And that's what i'll follow.

Still have more things to be done! =) God i'm sure you have plans with the visions and dreams

and today was the epitome of it.

Thank you SPs for so loving us and want to spur us on to do the things that God called us to do. Especially after this whole AI conference. I shall not lose my visions in life to mediocrity. Spurred on to work harder

And i will rather be faithful to the visions and dreams that i'm called to first.
Touching people, Touching lives. Let my hands and feet do your works and my heart to carry your burden. Shall not deviate from there.

During this season of rest, i shall start planning, gain momentum and start to plan long term and short term goals: To conquer my LTCL Diploma!

I shall rest assured that i'm in God's Hands (:

Love,
me

2010-04-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

I still remembered the times when i can still play pieces from Schubert and Schumann, Chopin's nocturne and enjoying pieces of Joe hisashi.

Sitting down trying to play simple and beautiful traumerei by Schumann on my faithful 17 yrs old electronic organ, makes ponder a few thoughts. I felt like a novice

"It's been a while i'm totally engaged into music"
I still remember pounder into scores and research into Symphony scores like Dvorak, Tchaikovsky and Beethoven. I will spend the whole night just trying to listen and understand the full works of each piece. Hours of Analysing and listening and catching the flow of each phrases

It feels a bit foreign to me now, especially after a lot of things happened. My fingers are feeling like butter now.. haha, felt like i have relearn it. Oh well.. (:

But i'm glad i have a God that have plans for me, cause i know my life is not just about music, but there's more to life than my personal goals and dreams, it's what God's plans for us! More things to come! I have faith~!

Love,
me

2010-04-26T21:33:00.002+08:00

Nobody has probably thought the love and heart..
Just feeling the immerse joy right now.. not sure why, the harmony of the rainbow

The love of God, that touches the hearts of man, that loves and gives for us

I'm gonna recover soon! yippee!! Once my chronic tiredness goes away..! (:

Glory Glory! God Almighty!
Who was, and is and is to come!

2010-04-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

Just a side thought:

In friendships and relationship:
"I may love someone, keep on giving to love the person, being a support, but ultimately, he or she has still make that decision whether to love back or not. It's not in my control, that's what being a true friend is. Even if not, you will still need to bless him or her in the going in and going out. true friendship." - I'll let this be my code for life.

^_^

Hold on, let go

2010-04-22T06:51:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts:

There are certain things in life to hold on if God calls you to hold on
There are certain things in life to let go that God calls you to let go

The ultimately, when you hold on or let go, it is how you do it that shows your heart

If God calls you to hold on, you may hold on, but be ready to let go if He asks you to let go, cause the question is, is that thing you hold on worth more than God?

If God calls you to let go, quickly you must let go, cause God has greater plans than the things you have right now.

To hold on is to hope, to sift out and to refine
To let go is to understand that God is taking the wheel of you life, not you, not your thoughts, not your hearts wants and desires

To hold on or to let go? Let God decides first, then you have to make the decision yourself. Obedience and Willingness

Love,
me

2010-04-21T05:06:00.002+08:00

God of My Forever
And i will give Glory to You Name

Let everything speaks Your Heart's desire
Let every love spells Your Heart.

Moving..

2010-04-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

Okay... i'm moving on to current topics
Past post(s) of self-evaluation talks about a lot of what i've know, yet what i've don't know

But I'm glad God gave me step by step analysis and letting me know what is the real meaning of heart and intentions

I'm glad that i'm the person right now, learning to be more like You

These few days, i was quite discourage or/was regretting a few things in my life:
Why the complexity of thoughts? Why my health? Why my situations?
But the thing is that i've learnt is to not cry over spilled milk, cause no matter what things happened in my life, it already happened. Sometimes simple thoughts and ideas been manifested to a whole lot of complications and things when things doesn't happen as it should be. But looking back..

If i were myself 5 yrs back, i don't even think i can survive much also.
If not for church, if not for my leaders, if not everything that happened

I won't be a person who is stronger, who has convictions that can be rooted in deeply, i'll probably be a passive person for life and still be stuck headed trying to ram into what things i'm gonna do, i'll will still steep into deep depression (Like lot of musicians, artist in history) and never get out
It's really exciting huh? huhu..

Although a lot of things i've done, i've made mistakes, i've sacrificed
But none better than what You have done for me, what SPs and Leaders done in my life

No matter what happens, All i desire, a heart that's after You

No matter what Dreams, Visions or revelations of God
I'm a Christian, i need to do what is the will of God, the Good, Perfect and the acceptable will of God

I shall be a man of abilities, an all rounder and a man of visions to what God calls me to do. Knowing that doing Your will is my utmost importance.

I'm encouraged, yet challenged, more is to come in my life to obey Him Willingly

Let my heart desires You totally. Let it be totally submitted to Your will, my intellect, my creativity, my music, my life, my heart, my mind, my soul. Let Your words stay and will not fall.

Let my heart desires You
Let my life live completely to You

For You are my desire.
It is an honor to love You with all my heart, my soul and my might.

Love,
me

Certain evaluation from my younger days

2010-04-19T00:02:00.000+08:00

This is just some after thoughts in my pri and sec sch days. And this is my evaluation:

Pre-emption
I still remember a lot of times in my younger days, i spent a lot of time on preempting people, knowing things will happen and understanding one thing leads to another. A lot of times, people won't really take my advise cause they think they might be right or in control, but when things went the other way, when i want to talk to them about it, they will think me as being proud or arrogant, just because my instincts, feeling or my calculations were correct. But, to me, at that point of time, i was thinking, what gain i will get to just to preempt you from things happening? Awards? accolades? Sometimes these questions makes me puzzled and after a while, i gave up altogether because simply people just don't appreciate it.

Misunderstandings
Same thing, i was saying things so that this information and my intentions will be set across and made known to people, yet because how i've said, people perceived that i've meant another way. But a lot of times, when i've said this, i've meant this, but people keeps on thinking about something else, the "hidden agenda" or something. But at yet, i know myself to be frankly speaking and i want to show how things started, evolved and eventually comes to this point. But people perceives the other way, thought that my words are trying to condescend them but i was trying to make this point that this mistake has been made, what were the steps that were wrong and lets work it out together. Instead, people just give me the smirk look and thought that i'm trying to command them or something.

Encouragement
I still remembered, a lot of times i was doing well with certain studies, and started to advise people or helping to teach people, or even encourage people that they can do it to, and also when i decided to let someone else to take over in certain grades. when they overtook me, i'm so glad and i will want to say congratulations to them, but to them they just give this particular smirk (I seriously don't know why people would like to smirk) and treated me like nothing much.

I'm quite puzzled a lot of times. Why is people just don't appreciate it?

But one thing especially when i'm walking i start to see and learn:
It is just not about the advices, warnings and encouragement. 2 things must be present:

Attitude and Intentions must match.

I have this unknown pride in my life, and really that was something i need to work on, no matter what happens, i may have the right intentions, but to people they will feel like they don't need it because of how i convey to them. It's about having the wisdom to understand and right heart so that i can tell people what/why is it happening.

I'm still learning. More like You.

I will be able to communicate better, with right heart and intentions. I'm learning, but i thank God that know i'm starting to learn it better.

love,
me

Comprehend Love

2010-04-18T01:49:00.001+08:00

To be able to comprehend love, is to be able to give

That's what went through my mind when i was watching on "the blind side" during service today
Thoughts run through, and a verse just came in a flash

"You gave me clothes when i was naked, You gave me money when i was poor, for in whatever you have did to the least, you have did it for Me" - You can find it in book of revelations about the sheeps and goats during judgment Day

A lot of times, people misunderstood the meaning of desire of love and desire to love. Sometimes, love have no agenda, loving people doesn't need to have a stamp or a name to love. If love always have a motive, than it's not love, it's called "investment" to place it is loosely stated way.

Many people expected that, no matter what type of relationships (Friends, family, couples in relationship or even marriage couple). Everyone wants to know what they deserved or what they expect to have in a relationships. Then suddenly the term of love became transactional. "I give you if you give me what i want" becomes a common commodity between a person to another person. Trust became like a paper in writing, people will need to agree to the "Terms & Conditions" in a relationship.

Love, became like a toy. became like a piece of paper

I not saying than i know love more, but i know there's someone who loves and dies for me so unconditionally that i will live for Him. And in turn, to see others to be love by the same love i've received.

And Love, is about trust and it's about giving, not expecting to receive. If love is all about receiving, what great is love than to money? what great is love to anything that's you have worked hard for?

I'm so glad i have a spiritual family who loves and cares for me. By seeing SPs working hard to love people more, i'm so inspired and challenged that i will want to love, no matter how small, i will want to work hard to love and bless people even more. No matter when or what happens

In this time of recovery, i'm gonna plan, to love people more, not because of any agenda, but it is the agenda to love.

Thank you SPs for believing in us and the next generation! (:

Love,
me

Health-y

2010-04-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

I think sometimes it's bad enough to have things fall when you have fallen sick in health
A lot of people will just say "suay", or just "luck"
But it shows me how important my health can be so much to affect people

Been a past constant sick person shows me that i don't really understand much of being healthy
Especially i've fallen very sick when important things happened, it's so irritating as you unable to execute your job well and also in turn affects your health back, which is what happened to me all the time

Yea.. but it gave me an important perspective... i need to be healthy, in mind, in emotions and in physical
It's a choice, although it's harder because i keep on falling sick
But i'll make this commitment to make that choice for me to stay healthy

So many times happened, i shall not make it happen again

The body is the temple of God, and i shall take good care of it

Love,
me

You are in Control

2010-04-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

Seriously, i don't really know what to react now.
But i know that You are in control
Don't know whether to laugh, cry, smile or frown
But whatever things of the past have passed
And i need to look forward

Whatever Dreams and Visions You gave me for my life, my character, my convictions
In this times of uncertainty i'm going to leave it up to You
I held on to whatever things that You have shown unto me
And trust even though when i have no faith in myself

But no matter..

Blessings to those who gives
Blessings to those who loves
Blessings to the enemies, for one day we'll be great friends as Christ love You as much as He loves me
Blessings to those who are short sighted, for one day they shall know the fullness of God and His plans and His reasons for why things happened.
Blessings to those who rejected love, for in due time they will receive the love as Christ died for them
Blessings to those who made impacts and imprints in my life

Blessings

And i have done saying... :)

I love you all

Love,
me

Revelations

2010-04-13T03:56:00.002+08:00

Have you had a time when you have information overload from God?
I had mine today
and it totally changed me!

haha,
Lovely day! (:

Let me

2010-04-12T22:31:00.000+08:00

Let me be a trustee ink pen,
to write the depth of Your Words

Let me be a long lived ballpoint pen,
to write the never-ending book of Life

Let me be an instrument,
that plays the Music of Your Heart

Let me be a Loudspeaker,
that says the Words You say

Let me be a vessel,
To pour and to be filled again

Change my heart
Renew my mind
Re-ignite my flames
Visioning my Dreams
that's for You

God, change me, i don't want to just have close relationship, yet my thoughts and eyes are afar off
Let my thoughts, precepts to be renewed and be of what is unto to love You

even more.

Let me be a Son,
So that i can please You even more.

Empowering Grace, let it be unto Your Name

Love,
me

Blessed be Your Name

2010-04-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

God ignite my Dreams and Visions of You
Letting what is good and faithful stays,
Letting of the past, of the bad things happened fall and be in remembrance no more
For we are lovers of You, and to love those who You died for

For in Your Grace, we are complete, in the fullness of the Spirit and in flesh
To walk with You evermore
By Your Power, You give and take away

Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be Your Name of God

I'm blinded by my past, but now i've see
I was confused, but now i'm sober-minded
Because Your Grace have finally made me understand
The fullness of You in my Heart

Love,
me

2010-04-11T01:57:00.000+08:00

but Thank goodness i have God now! (: Paradigm shift (Just learn a new phrase from today's service) and i'm glad values collided! Seriously ^_^

Relationships

2010-04-11T01:50:00.002+08:00

I think it's really time for me to share, what's my view in relationships. Especially when people try to figure why i'm like this or like that, it's easier to communicate on my views and what are the rules that i've abide and the pact i have with myself ever since young. Especially it's to clear out misunderstandings between anyone and also what i've like and dislike in a good friendship.

Romance vs Friendship:
It's a balance of both. But i always tell people ever since when i was pri 3 that relationships are build on friendships (and trust). It's not because i'm smarter, but it's just that i'm just very observant and very "feeling" ever since young. It's how i see on movies, tv shows and also in normal human (Relatives, Family and Friends lives) activities. It takes me quite long to evaluate on how people works (Trust me, i'm still learning it), but i've found out is that from that point. Romance is just works like a fuel (and a spark) and often goes out after one day, or even 3 months. At least, that was what i've found when i was already counselling with girls or just simply hanging out with the group of girls just to find out how their lives.

Talking about this, then everyone will say ooo... so i like girls to be friends only, then thought that i'm gay or some feminist. Well, to clear out understanding, what i've said that it's not just about the eyes that meet or the sweet words that have been said, but what i'm looking for was the commitment, direction in life to be the same.

Then people will think about the things i've done or the bad decisions or some things i've done wrong. The first thing is that i have 2 main problems i've struggled in life:

Emotional Health and Anxiety (Too feeling and Too hyperactive in thinking)
First thing, Hyperactive is one of the main driving factors why i'm think a lot and evaluate a lot myself and people, due to my family conditions and strict traditional rules, my quick thinking and quizzically questions makes people (especially my family stumble for words and wonder why i need to know so much). So i've grown up to be restrictive and passive, but the inner me wasn't like that, i like to ask questions, i like to try things, but because of experienced deep pain, or deep/constant shame, i was put down in every way, and due to my lack of people spending quality time with me, i've become anxious in friendships, seeking to please people instead of understanding and working out, and also did crazy things to seek people attention. I was bore down by insecurities and inferiority complex. Passive and yet inner self have so much anguish, pride, insecurity, self-doubt of my beliefs and fear.

Yet, in spite of all these things, i believe in this relationships that is born out of friendships, mutual understanding and of course, Romance (Bet no one thought of that i will think about it). It like a structure, that fills up with things, bonds that strengthen the structure. It's a structure to love and love.

Before i jump into what i've believe and followed in, i'll show how what i've thought of how a relationship is like:

Friendship - 60%
Romance - 40%
Commitment & Willingness, Direction in life - 100%
Total: 200%

This haven't really varied much ever since the last time i've set these rules.. which is pri 3

It just shows that to me, a relationship worth keeping, will be keeping with me forever. (It's like a relationship with God) (:

But of course, nobody can come into this type of standards, but this is my perspectives of how i will work out my relationship:

In order:
- Spark & Chemistry
- Bond
- Evaluation of direction in life
- Time (Building of Friendships and to evaluate and sifting)
- Willingness
- Commitment

To me is a norm for myself, even though i've communicated my thoughts about my views to people, people still "huh?" at me. It's understandable, cause, i was in primary sch, in secondary sch, and who will want to understand this type of complex structure? It's about the hormones!!! Haha, joking..

But this is how i self-evaluate, evaluating with people and work and (think too much and research). Haha, that's why i can come out with hypothesis of pluto's orbit in secondary school, and all the interesting scientific ideas i've came out (It's still in drawing form too! Records of it much) .

Please don't ask me if why it is similar to what SPs preached about, but this is what i've hanged on all these years.

Time test:

For Spark & Chemistry and Bond (This is meaning of like-mindedness)
It's self explanatory, Cause most of my first level attractions will be only till here. It will be gone by weeks or months and kinda fizzled out like sprite.

Second level will be the Direction in life, what we are doing, what is the main drive and passion in life. To me it's important as of from young, i've been always wanted to be a musician or a scientist, that's drives my passion. But due to not much support in life, i've need to grind through old books, research personally and people laughing at me why i'm doing it while they are so relax in life. Well, this is my vision and mission to be (At least at that point of time). So, I need to have someone who understands and agrees with me on what i've doing and can relate properly on the things i've done. It will be terrible if my partner doesn't have knowledge or limited knowledge because ultimately we can't communicate. I can't imagine the consequences of it.

Third level will be Time:
This is when, to get to know each other even more and also the willingness to build a friendship, sometimes this is where direction in life starts to tweak and a lot of sifting out to see whether is it real or is it not real. I totally know that Time is the essence and also even though with my insecurities, i'm prepared and willing to lose it all in the end. This is really patience (I've been through once, and i know it's traumatizing, if you don't know the previous story). But this is where real commitment and willingness comes in, where all the other attractions comes in one and another, this is when it is most vulnerable, this when thoughts coming in like, do i really like this guy? This guy have a lot of flaws despite he have talents or is gentle or something something something. But this is also when my passiveness comes in and complacency (My fault will come in too, so i need to keep myself in check). Romance comes in when friendship develops willingly. Although i've hope this ideal, but no matter, it's more than this.

Fourth and Final Level: Willingness & Commitment
This is when feelings that holds for years and friendship builds (with romance) will accumulate that this girl is who i want to stay the rest of my life with. If anyone wants to rush, i rather it is not me, cause, to me, relationship is about willingness & commitment with all the 3 levels before first.

That kinds of sums it up what rules i've set myself ever since young. similar hur? haha, you can always ask my pri/sec friends about it though.

Hope it clears out to anyone who reading this! And i'm quite relieved that i'm sharing this after years and years and eons of misunderstanding, to put it down into words and correct understanding and feelings. Friendships are always important! (:

Love,
me

Never stop trying

2010-04-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

Never live a compromising life. ever. ever again. Especially it's life for God

Too scare, Too nice, Too fearful, Too passive, Too worrying, Too much thinking.

To live a stressed up life just because want to be "nice" to people?

haiz..

Lesson learn t

I shall not let my past take a hold of my future, nor compromise.

This post is a reminder to me to move forward. Never again i shall be scare again. Life is too short to not try, especially i'll want to die trying to live the life God wants me to be.

Love,
me

你的爱的永远

2010-02-25T03:25:00.001+08:00

时时刻刻
每分每秒

你的伟大与深奥的智慧让我深深的印象在我的心里
你的爱所散泼中的那份光荣与温和

你的爱的永远
使我的理智无法所想象这

庞大于伟大的爱情

祖，让我永远跟着你 (:

Say the Words

2010-02-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

Say the Words and i will sing for You
Over Oceans deep i will follow
If each star was a song
Every Breath of wind breaks

If it still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live
I simply live

For You

This revelation has been with me for quite sometime
Whatever it is in God's heart
It will show

A God that is who was and is and is to come

Understanding and knowing that for every good work has its own patience and all for the Glory of God

I come to comprehend even more, yet i don't know much more

That's how God moves in my life

Let Love Restores all Things
No matter that is unto You

For every song I've created it is first given to You
For I know every song that is worthy of Praise, let it Praises You
Let every song sings and seeks to Praise and Worship You even more.

Let every heart seeks His Praise. Let every Presence finds His heart.

That's the Love I've experienced (:

Lovely God.

Love,
me

A Father's Love - Perfected in our weaknesses and Strengthen our soul

2010-02-16T09:25:00.000+08:00

First the Cross
Then to us all

Ever thought the most powerful love of all
Is someone who has died for us?

His Love reconcile us back to the love of God
His Love is where we meet Him face to face?

This is the Love that we all need

For every single part of our lives
No matter who we meet
No matter what we do
No matter which type of lives we are living

We all need God's Love shining through our lives
For the will of God is not condemnation, but it is for the glory of God

Your Chastening I adore
Your Encouragement revives me
Your Love amazes me
Your Trials and Tribulations made me hold on to You even more
Your Strength is perfected in my weaknesses

"Let every good works has its own patience, for all for the Glory of God"

Rejoice I say, Rejoice! For in trials and tribulations there will be patience, perseverance, moulding of character and the Power to Hope.

All things may be perfected in God

Love,
me

Moving Forward

2010-02-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

Moving Forward,
Not looking back

If i ever looked back,
I'll smile
Because i have done the best what i've could

And i'm gonna do my best even more
In situation, In health, In issues of life

The Approval of God is more than i could ever have ask for
And i'm happy

This is my fight of faith with You
I really Love my SPs, my Leaders who prayed for me, who loved me, who taught me the Statures of God

I'm renewed
I'm refreshed

To fight the new day even more
I thank God that i have God with me no matter what happens

This new year
I consecrated my life to You

setting apart
loving You even more

I thank God

Love God, Love People, Love Life

Love,
me

My Heart's Condition

2010-02-10T06:26:00.000+08:00

What's more for Your majesty?
To love You even more?
To set my feets in Your ways
To fight the good fight of Faith
Anything that's of me, i'll lay them at Your feet

What's my heart condition?
To set it wholly after You
I've made a promise with You
And i trust You

God, use me as You please.

To give my heart wholly after You

2010-02-10T06:11:00.001+08:00

Looks like this is it.
Never mind, i'll stay consecrated then
No matter what happened
My Greatest honor is still serving my Lord and King

Yup.. probably it's too late
but at least it's okay
Been very tired, sleeping earlier than usual.
At least my health is slowly recovering

I have things to create
and I have things to finish

For every good work has its own patience
and all for the glory of God

But no matter what
To give my heart wholly after You
To love You with all my heart

that's the first thing
That's at least what i can do (:

Love,
me

Thinking and Thinking

2010-02-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

Lying on my bed just now made me feels a lot of things that I've thought of

Sometimes i've been through things that i've wished i have amnesia and forget about it
Sometimes i've regretted for the things i didn't able to do or any chance to do
Sometimes i've regretted the words i've said
Sometimes i've regretted the decisions i've made

Yup, but to me, i know that i'm not alone

I think most of my life, i've lack of this fight that i have
To fight for the things, probably at first, but later because wants to make people happy, i've withdrawn
I always lack this, ever since young, this tenacity because of how i was brought up with

I wanna fight, even how tiring i am
I want to fight for whatever needs to be done
I want to fight for the cause of God

God, i will need more tenacity
The Tenacity to fight,so that at the end of my race i can say i have fight the good fight of faith

This is what i've always lack, but i'm determined to change this.
I'm persistent, but not tenacious

God, change my thinking

Love,
me

Real Rest

2010-02-01T20:12:00.001+08:00

I never knew a lot of times that rest was/is vital for my life
But now i've understood

From young, i never know the true meaning of rest
I know the meaning of SLEEP
but not knowing the meaning of rest

Cause i was stuck with one problem and another
Solve, yet to solve another
Battle on just to find the next battle back to back (I mean seriously in all areas)

I'm using these terms very loosely because it is what i've experienced
Cause i've believe in working hard and focusing on what i've do and like

2 things that i've never understood is 'rest' and 'fun'
I do have fun times which i've enjoyed most, watching cartoons/anime/nice shows, playing/performing music and just reading my favourite books
But most of times, i'm boggled up by life, by problems, by competitions, by things that can and couldn't, and things of both in and not in control

Its not about how many, but its about when

I'm a typical workaholic/work driven person
Only know about work and work and no more

And the most uncomfortable thing is that, when there's no work, either i don't know what to do or i'll find more work to do

Sometimes i just didn't know when to stop
From one research to another
From one work to another
From performance to another
From one study to another
Theories to theories
Hypothesis to Hypothesis
Equations to Equations

No matter whether my body is healthy or not
No matter which situations i'm in

When i'm sad, i eat more, i work more, i feel more
That is seriously the case

I think the 2 key things was that i'm a perfectionist person, always wants to prove things and want it to be this way and that way and i'm so very very determined in proving it right
And i believe by working hard and thinking and researching more despite not been supported is one of the main case i've work even harder

I don't even know whether will there be value or not, but i'm a end result oriented person, want things to be perfect and endures all the way.

And it is this kind of rest that made me understand more of myself.. especially when i'm sick..
Cause even when i'm sick, i will still want to do work efficiently, probably my mind has already wants to work out things cause i want to finish within this certain timeline or dateline

Even when i have mental/writer's block, i will definitely keep working until i remembered or i've re-understood concepts, theories implementation.

But its this kind of rest, that made me understood
I need to have fun more
I need to relax even more, even when situations caved in
I need to understand and accept the complexity and yet the simplicity of life

I've understand.. yet

Sometimes its just as fun to just rest.

Love,
me

Inasmuch

2010-02-01T13:11:00.001+08:00

After all things and all the years
No matter what happened

I've concluded.
I love my SPs, my leaders

No matter which situation i'm in
No matter how much misunderstandings or mistakes i've made or had

This is my Family
This is my Home

I really don't care what people will say
But for in good or bad, for better or worse, for in sickness and in health, i love my spiritual family.

This is me. I love You.

Love,
me

Tired

2010-01-27T06:46:00.000+08:00

I've done my best

Despite trying to resolve situations
Because of Almost no support in handling things
Because i'm trying to please everyone's decision
Because of Fatigue causes by bad decision makers
Because of people who misunderstood my intentions
Because of the things that i was asked to do
Because of constant sickness due to long circumstances almost everyday
Because of People emotions and their hearts and intentions

Amidst of all things. I'm pressed down.
Amidst of all things. I'm perplexed.

Discouraged, Disappointment came my way
People make decisions for their own gain

I'm almost shaken. I almost grit my teeth to the world on this.

Almost.

This. Doesn't change in 3 things:

1. My Love for You
2. Your Call in my Life
3. My Love for people and the people who causes me to fail and fall

Doesn't matter what happens. I'm Locked on to Your Call. I'm Locked on to Your Vision. I'm Locked on to Your Love.

I'm really tired now. But i'm not gonna give up on what happens
It's funny, i can always always be complicated. It's like fish in water for me. But, I've chose to be simple, believe on simple rules and methods to work because of my convictions. By saying this I've made a point in my case

Love you guys, no matter who you are
Love You my God

Love,
me

Lesser Time

2010-01-22T07:40:00.000+08:00

I know i have lesser time than people
To do things, to work on stuffs

Need to build on Time efficiency
Cause a lot more things i need more discipline in my life

Gonna build whether rain or shine!

Now.. Of to work!

I have not done enough

2010-01-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

I have not done enough. I'll do more
I see everyone before me doing more, loving more
I want to do that even more
I want everything that i do, to be able to bring people to their eternal destiny

I'll be honest enough to say that i have not done enough to love people
I want to have the privilege to be able to love them even more
I'm challenged.

Whatever in my Hands and Feet, let it be Your Will.

Love,
me

Powerful service and things to ponder on

2010-01-18T01:57:00.001+08:00

Wrote these 2 poems during service today! SP shared a powerful Word and Inspiration just filled my soul during his preaching!

Woes & Woes to my flesh
for time has come & gone

Woes & Woes to my carnal mindness
for sifting has begun & gone

I've look to You for every heart matters
In Life, In Hope, In Times

Love fulfills all things
For You have sift my heart

You've put in Spiritual things, Yes
things of You who knows

You gave my mouth a song to sing
Yet in my sorrows You've delivered me to the dithered

Love consumes my life and soul
Your cause have burn in my heart

Let my Lifesong sings to You
Forever & Forever. Amen.

===================================================================

Toils & Trials may come
Hopelessness & Tiredness may weary

But I look to my Lord
I look to my God

For Strength has came in my life

You are my Strength
You are my hope

My longing & waiting for You

Bring every heart & every mind
I live my life for You

===================================================================

Looking back, i've been having a very tired life
Always trying to meet the expectation of other people
Trying very hard to meet everyone's needs and expectations
Not wanting to disappoint people
Not wanting to lose people trust

Being over doing things
Try to bite more than i've could chew
yet bite it all and when through it
Been wanting to be like someone, do things like someone
Wanting to take up more responsibilities because want to carry the burdens even more

Below the wants, the needs, the then expectations
I never knew how much i will face, and how much i've realised i need to handle
I've been the jack of all trades for too long
Yet the master of none

I've been tired for too long
I've been constantly sick ever since young
I've trying very hard to do things
I've been trying hard to meet expectations of people

But God, i've realised
I haven't been asking myself, what and why did i do it
And why do i want to do it

But for the things in my hands that i'm called to do
I do it, for You

Yup, I'm tired, I'm tired of a lot of things
Yup, i've met situations, both controllable and not
Yup, i've things in my heart and mind that i am in the process and change by You

But the most important thing
God, I am Your son
I carry the burden

Because of You have first loved me

Because of You
I am call to build

Beacuse of You
I am call to love

Because of You
I am call to lead and father

I'm Your son, I will carry the burden, for You, for SPs, for the church, it's a decision made, purposed in my heart and done deal long ago

Despite all things I'll stand
Despite my hands and feets are weary, i'll tarry

For Your Word to come to pass

I'm tired. But I'll go on. Cause my Strength will be renew by You

Love,
me

Thoughts to be trained

2010-01-16T08:36:00.000+08:00

I've been observing myself,
Especially what happened to me the past few months

Whenever i fall sick (headache, fever, sinus, which is almost every time during this period)
I don't carry myself confidently
I think it was because i've don't like making decisions or unsure of my decisions even though it was the right ones or i will forget things more easily.. But this cannot go on

Despite anything happened, i'm gonna carry myself even more confidently
my mind need to be able to adapt to more things and not fall to insecurities of my decision

If i'm going to love people
I need to organise my thoughts even more better
And not just keep on being sick and my thinking waivers

I'm gonna admin my life even more to love people.

Love,
me

2010-01-16T08:29:00.001+08:00

Something i haven't been doing

2010-01-11T22:31:00.001+08:00

English and English literature! Haha, It's been a while old friend :) It's my favorite subject after Bio, chem and history!

I really hoped that my written liturgy is awesome, but hitting my way back home by my own grades which i know i have a lot to work on. But here we go:

Uno: Exploitable(This is not archaic tongue) deceitness brings a thousand years of sorrow, yet faith of a little one would bring it out of shadow...

Secondo: Thou art not hast speakest of Words whilst I hath not ear
Thy Heart stirred like willows in the breeze
What have I hath done in this life
To have withered like dead petals on the Street

Uno: Thos hath not Saddest O good brother of Thine
For light hast cometh to bringeth back to Life

(Secondo starts to speak non stop of Thy goodness with revelation):

My word my mouth would hath n't runneth dry, to hath speakest of Thou that Touch'd thy Heart O Thine!
My Ears my Eyes and so ast to speaketh, the love of thy greatest Love, Have moveth the hardest of Heart O Thine!

Well, it's something worth thinking of! :)

I'm just...... nothing to say

2010-01-09T05:26:00.000+08:00

I'm just really don't know what to say now
Why do i have to work around with people who will haste due to their personal agenda?
Because of one decision to haste
Everything starts falling apart
Because of one decision, i would have to make a counter reaction
No matter how good it's my planning skills, my problem solving skills can be
I can't predict this kind of outcome

It's ridiculous

Even if the person can say, it is that and that and this and this
Probably the decision was to the point, or even it was right at that time

But on decision snowballed to another
and it will cause a chain reaction,
Causing a snowballed effect

It is when people failed to see the big picture and run on personal agenda
I'm just angry
Everything supposed to be well planned, collapse
Everything supposed to have well backup solutions, not a use anymore
Everything supposed to have well plan things, doesn't work out in the end

In the end i'm the one taking the blame

Yea.. then people i need to hold accountable to hold me responsible

I've learn t my lesson
Unable to heed my advise
Unable to listen

Probably i'm scared, cause i need to honor the person for his/her "right" decision on that point

Things doesn't work this way

By the time i'm handling it, it was too late.. Snowballed
Foresaw this kind of problem
Unable to heed
Snowballed

People may blame me for it for their own gain

I'm just irritated when this kind of things happened

I feel like..
*See I told you so..*
But I can't say anything at all.. no voice to say

It's not just about the situation, it's how people react to the situation
That is how it is, including me

I'm just.. nothing to say

Memories of the past.. Encouraged

2010-01-03T04:15:00.000+08:00

Was heavily giddy just now, rested,
awakened halfway to pray and God encouraged me on certain things i've kept in the past that i've did right

I don't know why, but pockets of memories keep coming back.

Makes me think:
"Yea. It's a privilege to know girls."

I think they are the most precious, God sent angels on earth.

I don't know whether it is pride or not, mixed feelings,
But honestly, during my primary and secondary school,

To know their public and private lives, to know their physical and biological issues and needs,
Up close in counsel

I think it was really a privilege.

God brought me to one scene during primary 6 when i'm giving advise to 2 of my "Daughters" that i "fathered" with this sentence:
"Beauty is skin deep, Inner beauty is more important, when your inner beauty shines, Your Beauty surface"

I'm thinking - "Quite deep huh?"
Yet i've realised it helped them in their views later on in life.

God showed me certain scenes when i'm on in situation one on one counseling with girls on their private concerns.

Girls one on one pouring their heartfelt problems in relationships and issues that no guys should hear (or guys very curious of hearing), despite they know i have my own problems and issues also, don't really mind sharing. And allowing themselves to heed to my worldly counsel about relationship view. Knowing & Trusting that i won't take advantage of them and understanding them as they were.

I think it is a privilege.

Many more scenes surfaced, and i'm glad i'm their innate confident at the most needed point of time.

Thanks for showing me these God. I really felt privileged and encouraged despite i've felt that it's just normal, being a friend (Even though i'm not a Christian then)

That is what You are. I am a Christian, and to me, it pushes me further to love people. That's what You are.

None like You.
Privileged to build Your House
None like other.

You made me think that way. = )

Love,
me

Tired..

2009-12-29T04:20:00.000+08:00

Yup, I've been tired lately.. can't really focus on things

My sickness keeps on coming
My health wasn't very good

but God, ultimately to carry the cross is a decision
to carry Your burden is a decision
to lean on Your Promise and Covenant is a decision
to Consecrate myself is a decision

That's why it is in good or bad and in better or worse
I'll lean on.

No matter how hard it takes
I'm gonna build

No matter how much situation has came and gone
I'm gonna build

Determination and Perseverance brings Hope

God, my Hope is on You

Love,
me

Perspectives.. It really got me thinking

2009-12-28T00:59:00.000+08:00

Just watched Avatar, awesome movie with a great experience, Although predictable storyline, but good climax and atmosphere

But some things about movies
It just gets your thinking even bigger

It shows how people conceptualizing
It shows how great effects, great themed music comes together in forming a great movie experience

But what i've learn t is about setting heart, expectations and getting things into place that forms the main vision for the movie.

To many people, it seems like just a movie
But to me, it's about a vision that has been achieved, accomplished and accepted

I think this is a great movie, the most important part is when the movie ended, there are people start applauding in unison on the movie. This shows how people impacted by the movie.

This movie changes people's thinking and definitely enlarged mine.

It's like God's purpose for us on earth to be put together as one whole vision that what God wants us to do,
to seek and save the lost. I've beginning to understand Him and Yet not at the same time. I need more of You

Love,
me

Timeline

2009-12-27T05:32:00.000+08:00

The next 2 weeks gonna be more tedious
I don't know how
But clench my teeth and get through it
Hopes, Dreams and Burdens
I lay aside my personal affairs
Blood, Sweat and Tears

Gonna build, no matter which weather it is
Gonna build, no matter how situations turn out

God, You've said, Seek first Your kingdom
and All shall be added on to me (Matt 6:33)

God, i placed my life, my relationships, my works into Your Hands
I Trust You

I shall not be affected by my situations, even though i can't ignore
My life, i placed in Your Hands.

Let it roll out, let it roll out, let it roll out smoothly..

Beautiful things

2009-12-26T07:59:00.000+08:00

These few days i was reading through the Bible, there were a few things that i've saw that came into my mind
Some things that are very beautiful (:

Job 42:10 - Job was praying for the people who misunderstood, blamed and persecuted him as God restores him. What a beautiful verse. He could have blame them about what they did to him, but yet, with the bigness of heart he did not complain about it and love them as much.

Hebrews 9:3
When i saw this verse, it is a partial description of the tabernacle, but can you imagine, when the tabernacle is built, the glory of God sat on the mercy seat? His Presence gave a magnificent awe to people. Some thing so attractive, the beautiful glory of God (:

And also the Prodigal Son, when the son was stood afar off, the Father ran to him and instead of condemning him for his past and problems, He rejoiced and place him back to be in position as His son. What a beautiful scene.

There are more things that captivates me in the Bible even more, and i'm just getting started. (:

Lovely Redemption
Love that saved us all
Beautiful Saviour

Love,
me

Captivated

2009-12-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

It's powerful about God's visions and dreams,
You just kept being captivated by them.

No matter what situations will be
No matter what choices you've made

When you look at God's visions and dreams
You'll just keep yourself that you want to run after the goal, the prize of God

In Hebrews 12:1 - 2, to run after God, to lay aside all things that burdens or ensnares you
to run after the life that God wants you to be

I'm Captivated
I rather bow than burn on my convictions

I'm only captivated to what was brought forth in revelation

That's the only thing i'm running after. God.

I'll place God above everything, my Visions and Dreams, my relationships, my life.. Whatever You've said, i'll run.

Gonna be like Psts, to run after God
Gave their lives committing, sowing into people

I want to be able to sow, i want to be able to love like them

Love God, Love SPs, Love my Leaders, Love my Life, Love the Lost.

God, move me in a greater way,
Lead me and guide me

Love,
me

Resolved

2009-12-20T22:45:00.001+08:00

Certain Resolves i have made, and will not change
Certain burdens i have, will carry me today
Certain visions i have, will get me going no matter what happens

I can talk all i want, but my action will follow, and i will definitely do it till the end
This is my resolve.

I Thank You my Lord, my God

Love,
me

Spiritual Tag Teaming

2009-12-20T01:08:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking

Ever thought before of a spiritual tag team? It's like playing a tennis game.

I remembered Psts shared before to keep game going, the player is gonna serve and the other player on the other side will need to return a serve back.

It's interesting, the momentum keeps going and there will be climax point where either side will win. The Goal is achieve

It inspires me that everyone (including me) should be like a spiritual tag team where the ultimate goal/objective will hit the bullseye!

Gonna Hit em' all! Haha! (:

Loves,
me

2009-12-16T05:27:00.000+08:00

Consecration
Covenant
Promise

I'll keep, Matt 6:33 (:

More humbling to do in my life! Excited about everything!

although my head goes "drum drum drum" haha

Love,
me

Your call

2009-12-09T23:15:00.002+08:00

I've realised that throughout my life
there's a lot of wounds
there's a lot of scars

there's a lot of problems
that even i cannot fathom
i can't even control
i can't even predict
and because of the problems
I'm always at a disadvantage
I'm always at the end product of blame
I'm always taking the blame burden more than others

But i've realised
Yet, disappointed
Yet, discouraged

It shall not divulge my life for You
Nothing shall take You away from me

If mountains crashes
If valleys caves in

I will stand by my God

If it's gonna be my last
it's gonna be my last

At least i have no regrets
I've done what i've done to the best of what i know of

It's not some recklessness
It's not some rashness

But it's a promise unto You that i can't take away
It's some things that are so precious that i've left it in Your hands to deal with it

That certain things to have it by revelation, than never have it at all
Your Promise, Your Call

God, i remembered my promises unto You in my younger days

Love,
me

Consecration

2009-12-06T08:43:00.000+08:00

If it's gonna happen again
i'm gonna bless and let go

But it's gonna be my last
Certain things i can only do by Revelation

Or else my promised to stay consecrated to the Lord

I have no regrets on this.. at least i did to my best of abilities
I'm happy..

Love,
me

Let Loose and not tightly minded

2009-12-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

I was set by circumstances easily
I was easily known as taken things too seriously
I was easily been irritatable

Life's not like that
Yes, we are serious with the Life we are living in
But if we don't let loose and keep holding on to the things that hurts us and eats into our lives
I think we need to seriously make that change, at least i am and i'm gonna be

Jesus said, "My yoke is easy and burden is light"
He went through a lot of things, being misunderstood, blasphemed, persecuted and finally been crucified by the people whom He loves. If Jesus can say that, what are we not to say?

We may have our life and death situations
We may have our most dire situations
We may have our personal struggles

But, remembering that God, Jesus knowingly because our struggle came redeem that death that we face in our everyday's life. God first die for us so that we can look to Him for redemption.

It's a perception towards life, but more of that, God's love for us that He wants to shepherd us to the right way, no matter who, where, when.

And through this, i need to know, i need to relax... be cool, but most of all, knowing that God is in control of all situations and when we seek first the Kingdom of God, all shall be added to us. (Matt 6:33)

Take a deep breath.... relax (: Life's fun!

Love,
me

Humility

2009-11-29T05:43:00.001+08:00

One thing i know
One thing i've learn t

Humility is lay on these few big words:

Confidence
Boldness
Humble
Security
Sacrifice

I thank You God for making me realized. I will work upon it. Each area i will definitely grow in it. In these situations for the past few years, i think i've really grown from it, not matter which problems, which situations, i thank You Lord for humbling me through these situations, it's not about comfort, it's about character. It's about dealing with my innermost struggles with God and God wants to inch every single one out of it. But i know that God, You are Faithful and true to me and I will definitely be Faithful and true.

The next few days i'll be updating this blog to update on every single area i've had and lacked. It's a reminder for me that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and how i need to worked out my salvation with fear and trembling. Fear as in the reverence fear of the Lord and Trembling is because God gave us a standard, a benchmark to reach which I myself feels that it's scary, but i know God did that because He loves us. He gave us a purpose to impact lives, not to be filled with self-pity, complacent and contempt. As i've studied and read the Bible, God really inch and changed me even more.

Confidence - To know who He is and who are we in Him
Boldness - To carry the cross
Humble - When Jesus wash the feet of His Disciples
Security - To know that God is in control
Sacrifice - When Jesus died on the cross

Follow, Abide and Imitate

I Thank you Pastors, I Thank you my dearest leaders, for making that impact in my life.

Isaiah 58:12 - I will follow

Your burden, Your Call

2009-11-25T07:35:00.002+08:00

To build the IT network infrastucture
To redeem the arts
To reach the lost
music to administer people

God, Your call seems bigger than what I can handle, but i'm gonna have faith.

Raising up Generations

Repairer of the Breach

Restorer of the streets to dwell in

Isaiah 58:12

For the cause of Christ

2009-11-18T04:28:00.000+08:00

It is VERY easy to be tempted by life
under pressure and under pleasure

Under pressure, people's heart revealed
Under pleasure, people's desires revealed

I've learn t

If i'm going to build my house in heaven with woods and sticks, it shall be swept away
If i'm going to build my house in heaven with silver and gold, it shall be here to stay

Above all else

Character, Faith, Hope, Love

I'm gonna run after You
I'm gonna chase after You

I let my thoughts surrender to You
Change me, mould me, make me.

Love,
me

Need to... You are the light unto my path

2009-11-16T22:50:00.000+08:00

Never let pride take over
I've learn t

It's true that i'm hard headed
It's true i want to win

But i realised
Life is not about winning arguements
Life is not about winning every battles
Life is not about shoving down people's throat in what you believe in

Yup, i'm a very head strong person
Yup, i am very persistence, especially if i'm right

My previous background made me that way,
My previous situations made me that way
My previous things that i had lived in my life made me that way

Previously i'm always been bullied
Previously i'm always been taking the punches
Previously i'm always been looked down upon every single day

But my life have change after i've met Christ
But now, i have to deal with this problem... all over again

God humble me even more
Guide my attitudes
Set my feet in Your ways
Set my eyes on to You

I will be more big hearted
I will be more big minded
I will be more sensitive
I will be more open-hearted

Thank you for the Cross

I will work my character even more

Love,
me

Leaving the Past

2009-11-14T00:47:00.003+08:00

It's easy for me because of my background, to be prideful of what i've do
It's easy for me to become insecure because of what i've do not have due to the situations in my life

After these times, i've come to know this and i've come to understand how Job really feels

No matter what background
No matter what situations
No matter what things may come my way
Humbleness is a choice
I will choose to be humbled

No matter how much i was right, No matter how much i was wrong
I have grown to know God's heart even more
It was the scars that saved
Never was my pride, nor my accolades
Never was my encyclopedic mind
Never was my skills, abilities and talents
Never was my worldly wisdom
Never was my problem-solving thinking

God wants me to have - the right heart
The one and only thing that i've thought i've thought to have, but come to none

I'm not perfect

This shows, i'm still learning to get to know God even more
You have created me this way - I will be secure in You
You have humbled me - I want to have Your Heart
You have envisioned me - I want to do it in Your way

Not mine, if it's my own strength

I still have flaws to settle in my life. I'm gonna work on my flaws and strengthen my stakes.

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for saving my soul
Thank You for everything you've done in my life

I'm gonna do Your will
I'm gonna believe what You've believe in me doing
I'm gonna have faith things will start changing - from now

Thank You, my God
Thank You, my Lord
Thank You, my Pastors
Thank You, my Leaders
Thank You, my Great friends

Thank You

Love,
me

Here i stand, Humbled for You

2009-11-10T21:59:00.001+08:00

I don't know why,
Burdens starting to come back to me,
The need to create infrastructures start to tug my heart once again
I've been getting revelations upon revelations on IT and Networking

Things i've never thought i would thought of
The things that once driven to my limits of my mind, soul and body

Now back

I don't know whether to smile or sad
But God, You have shown me that whatever burden You have given to me
I have to fulfill, in sweat and in blood.

God, it's really too big for me
But it means, God i need You even more

I'm going to stand in more discomfort now
But God, am i ready?

With my past prides, with my past failures
Am i ready?

Whatever You have said, i will do
I'm gonna believe You in my life, health, finance, career, family and relationships
I'm gonna believe
I'm gonna have faith even more

Love,
me

Mindset

2009-11-08T13:36:00.000+08:00

Now.. after leaving the past behind from the previous post. Thanking people

Looking Forward

Need to breakthrough in my life
Administration
Heart and Mind

Something in the past, not now.. Being grateful to :)

2009-11-07T09:11:00.000+08:00

I just thought of something in the past, my relationship with a past best friend.

It's quite funny, just to think about it and it's just so real that it was passed so fast, so unnoticeable. I've took it very hard on myself and really didn't want to think of going on with the rest of my life (Til i know Christ). She is someone i've definitely loved before and also hope i can give her my best blessing to her, just for being that "Friend" that she could be.

It all started when i was secondary 1, when i first met her, i just stopped in my tracks and gasped. She was just asking to borrow a music book for music class. And time just stop that moment, i was mesmerized by her. My cheeks blushed (Talk about romantic teen stories) and i quickly, stumbling and flipping my bag to lend her my music book. It was awkward at first to start. That was really funny, and the shocking thing is, i was then a heavily disorganized person and my music scripts was supposed to stick to the music book, but i didn't really bothered to have the time to stick in. The embarrassing and amazing part is that when she returned to me, everything was sticked properly into that music book. She spent the whole lesson trying to help me stick the scripts into the the music book, flip by flip, page by page. At that time, i was feeling weird, yet grateful for her to help me in this simple thing (And yes, she remembered because of the sticking part took her a long time). But some how, it was kept in my heart.

Moments passed and a lot of things happened. A lot of things happened between us, both good and bad, but we were good friends that always talk on the way home as long i'd seen her along the way (Actually i did secretly waited for her also last time... now no secret (: ). Once in sec 2, i remembered there was this incident that in the early morning (we were both very early), and she asked me to teach her how to sing "Can't help falling in love with you" in the morning. And, the music man i am, immediately took out the music book from my bag (I ALWAYS bring a music book and recorder to practice and play everyday) and i've started teaching her how to sing (we were both in band also). She was just listening me singing and suddenly, one of her classmates then came up and ask, "Whatcha you two lovie dovie doing here?", i still remembered we both blushed very furiously, she quickly passed me back the book and we jolted back to our classrooms. Gosh.... i never knew until later.

But things start to happen, our first ever dinner was after a band performance we had and both of us was very hungry. I remember it was around 8pm that time and she asked me if want to go for dinner, we had it at the nearby shopping centre (near both of hers and mine house). She was having wanton noodles and i was having laksa. I still remembered that day cause after that, we both have diarrhea due to the not clean food. And we try not to eat there ever since.

After that Kovan became our favourite haunt as we ended up eating there almost everytime. It was fun. I remembered she showed me how to eat mcdonalds breakfast in a very "fine dining" way. She said that it was much better eating that way. We were pepperish perkish person and our hash browns must be very very filled with pepper.

I still remembered the cold war between us lasted for a year, just because i didn't write happy valentine's day to her on the card i given to her during valentine's day sec3. The actual reason why is that, i was busying completing my homework and decided to write later. Then, one of her girlfriends then came in and saw (she knows i liked her) and said, is this for her? Then she quickly took the card that was not written passed it to her before i could say anything, i was like. stunned. One thing is because i want to take time to think and write-up something nice. That lasted me til the very end of O levels. The whole level knows about the story between both of us.

Then, i've tried to explained to her after that after O levels, eventually we made-up and being great friends as still. Actually i don't know how to convey my feelings as i'm actually having inferior complex and fear in my life. But it was still good, we meet up every 1 to 2 times per week, msged her, even though i'm very busy in poly as i was performing with the wind orchestra and piano ensemble (rehearsals, overseas and locally), we made a commitment to meet each other every week at least 1 or 2 times to have dinner and spend quality time together, i still remembered taking her out on valentine's day dates at sizzler and celebrating her birthday and valentine's at Jack's place (I footed the bill and everything =D - ego ).

But things started to happen and because my lack of communication and conveying how my feelings towards her, she instead chose someone else on 14th February 2004 (She informed me). Well, i've blamed myself very drastically and was in depression for very long time (with the then depression i have already being in ever since young, it's like an add-on) because of the wrong words i've used and the wrong decisions i've made. But being lovingly, she stood by me for the whole year as i've learn t how to let go and only when i've met God, she went out of my life. For this i am eternally grateful to her.

Really, if she sees this post (I really hope so). Just want to say, i'm eternally grateful to you, bless you in your relationship and i am praying for you in your situation that you will know God. Meanwhile, thanks for everything that you've done in my life for that 7 years (Supposed to be in the preface part of the story) (:

It's a story that was opened and closed. But it is the moments that counts.

The whole point here is of a memory of the past. But i'm grateful and Thankful for you being my best friend during those times in my life. Thank you very much! (:

I have God now and i will keep on walking with God, running His race and fighting the good fight of faith. Great if you can know Him too!

Love,
me

Fever Fever Fever Fever!

2009-11-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

I really don't know what's happening to me: Sinus infection, fever non stop.

I have borderline fever every single day @ 37.7 to high fever @ 38 ++ degrees celsius!

Gosh, it's not good as it's gonna eat up into doing my work, talking to people.
I'm seriously not sure what's going on, but i really want to have a healthy life first before anything else, can't swim, can't exercise, too tired, hard to think... But, i'm sure God has a way! (:

If He can bring my tumor swelling down, i'm sure He can bring this down too!

Love,
me

Visions

2009-10-25T06:59:00.001+08:00

For every visions, there will be adversaries, depending on how big the vision is

Yesterday's Sermon was awesome! SP preached something that is so basic, insightful and so powerful!
Hearing God has 2 things: Faith and Obedience. To Hear God, you need both faith to see and obedience to listen and follow. This has been so timely to apply in my life.

I think I'm a person who worries a lot, thinking things that might happen this way or that way. Especially what's happening these few months, i'm not sure whether things will go out fine or not. But everytime, I need God's constant assurance of my vision and also the faith to move on. To me, having faith is always a problem because most of the time i'm not a very confident person myself.

Having said that, i've realised that putting trust into God's Word and Vision is always a problem, because i'm not sure whether i can make it, and when obstacles come my way, even though i have all the answers and all the creativity that i have to go through, but i'm always scare to move on. The problem was always with me. Doubt has filled my heart.

During yesterday's sermon, God gave me a re-vision of what He plans for me in the future when i have it ever since the past few years back. But this time, i'm going to react differently. I'm going to start to have more faith, despite it seems hard, i'm going plan, administrate, pray and also excel in what i've do. No matter what is the circumstances, no matter what's my health condition is. I WILL WORK and DO IT.

It seems hard, especially with all the situations now. But i'll do it.

My heart is stronger, because i have God. I shall stop worrying so much and just do things as He wills. Cause He knows everything. He loves me, so I will love Him back to do His will, to carry the burden of the church and be a great builder of God's House.

It's always great to have Awesome SPs and no matter what happens i'm going to build this House.

Isaiah 58:12 - Building Generations, Restoration and Repairer of the Breach. This will always be my life vision.

Love,
me

Busy-ness

2009-10-15T06:21:00.002+08:00

Wow! Busy-ness really took a toll with everything coming in my life!
But i remembered, you can be busy, but never too busy for God!

Haha, last week was my 24 birthday and i received a nice card and with celebrations. Kudos and thank you to my cg, zone and friends! Love you all dearly (:

Having said this. The past few months has been a roller coaster ride filled with misunderstandings, performance, and an opera show led to an sudden halt. Now trying to piece back the puzzles and getting back everything in to everyday's life. Things are starting to move finally! But i'm glad it is over yet, more things to come!

Although life starts to come back to normal and everything is on the move, one thing now is that i still remembered the Dreams and Visions of God have been given to me and no matter what happens, i'm gonna cling on to them and i'm believing it's gonna come to pass! And no matter what happens, God's Dreams and Visions is bigger and God has the bigger picture in my life! Living a life in God's will is my desire!

God, i'm gonna lift You Higher! (I don't know how though, but i'll have faith! (: )

Through Mountains and ridges, through valleys and storms, i'll live for You no matter what happens

Isaish 58:12 - Building Generations, Repairer of the Breach and Restorer of the streets to dwell in.

No matter what, I'm following and running after You. No one else. You are the center and love of my life.

P.S - Pastors and Leaders are amazing! (:

Love,
me

Structural View

2009-10-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

I've notice in many programmers and there is a point that it is our greatest strength and flaw (including myself),

We are eagerly trying to solve one problem and keep on trying til it gets right.

That is our greatest strength, it keeps pouring in ideas and algorithms, different ways to make the job works whatever it takes, focusing on the task and solving it. The greatest pleasure will come when the task is finally solved and everything got it correct. Things will be smooth.

However, it is also our greatest flaw also, is that during that time, we keep on focusing our task too much that our mind will go into a spiral of movements, trying everything in your brains and racking it out the details to solve that one single problem. Despite we've tried all ways, all things, but yet we can't get it working or moving.

What we see is flawed. What we understand is flawed. What information we had is flawed also. Most of the time is about getting a different perspectives to look at the situation to find the solutions.

Problems may look simple, but can be complex. But the solution may be simple to be solve.

A lot of times, we fail to see the the problem is not with the problem, but it's with us.

It applies to each of us (including me) on a regular basis in real life.
We tend to see the problem and trying push the "button" that it was someone else's fault, or it was the coding error or it was someone else that causes the error.

We need to take another view, the problem probably cause by/causing a lot of other problems that affects. It is us that we need to take the next step see if it is ourselves, other components that affecting or causing effects, and then step by step, rectifying it.

Problems are not always 2D, especially we are in a 3D world, where everything has it's depths. That made us even better as we have another dimension which is God where all things can bee seen in different view.

Think in a different view, 2 D, 3 D or even 4 D

let's solve life's problem this way! (:

Love,
me

hahaha...

2009-10-01T03:22:00.001+08:00

Been having sinus problem these past few months and been sleeping very early these days. I think i need to see a doctor very soon (literally), or else the headaches and sinus attacks will still come and go.... sleepy =.=.

But i think tomorrow will still be an AWESOME day! (: Things are moving and i need to keep on working out my stuffs!

Heaven's music

2009-09-22T04:25:00.000+08:00

Heaven's music
can you hear?

Saints rejoicing
Lives that have been witnessing

Love overflowing
Heart warm melting

Angels rejoicing
Lives have been changed

The shout of who was and is and is to come!
The music that resounds the heavens!

The Love there's travels to each and everyone who believes in
The Heart that was transfer from one to the other with His Love

How beautiful to praise Him
How wonderful to Love Him

For tonight is the night
Where the party in Heaven is singing

Heaven's music
Can You hear?

Heaven's music
Can You hear?

Another felt led inspired poem (:

A New View and Perspective

2009-09-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

I think after a while
I've just have a new view of life and it's perspectives

It's not a very nice thought though. But i think what God wants me to see the different view
Not everything in life is perfect.
I've started to see it in myself even more.

I'm a perfectionist
And I know it.

I will get irritated when things doesn't goes in one way or another
I will get annoyed/frustrated/discouraged if it isn't working in the way that was intended to
It affects the way how i do things, see things and work things
I can't understand other people why they have to do this way or another
I can't feel how people feel as much even though I would love to
I have a set of logics, algorithms and integrity to work in ways of another.

I'm a perfectionist, yet i'm imperfect

Throughout these few years, i've started to see all the things that happened around me,
the smile, the tears, the happiness, the hurt. Things started to go in different ways unexpectedly.

I've prayed and asked for another level of thinking
And i think i've got it (And so i've thought..)

I've planned for the expected and to as far as expecting the unexpected, but the unexpected came.
I have the structure, concept and all the details in my head, but it never works that way or another.

God have to go all far out to break my perspective of an "Ideal" world. And i'm glad He did, although painfully and hurtfully.

But i've start to see the flaws coming into a perfect will in God. It wasn't the perfect things, cause everything wasn't perfect, but it is the imperfect things that made up the perfect will of God.

I am imperfect and far from perfect
But i'm in the will of God
Acceptable, Good and the Perfect Will
Cause only God is perfect, not me

It is the scars that saved us
It is the blood that shed for the cause that leave a legacy

Now is my turn to sacrifice even more
Only Visions, Dreams, Will of God are perfected in the imperfect us.

That's God's perfection
And God gave us a choice

This is my view, people will have different comment, thoughts and perspectives about me

But i know i'm imperfect, just to work to being perfected in God's will.

Love,
me

Not To Stay put

2009-09-21T10:31:00.005+08:00

My mind needs to be bigger
My Thoughts need to be be bigger
My Visions are bigger

God never put us into situation when we are like just being a big fish in a small pond,
But when God wants us to fulfill His purpose, He will put us like a small fish in a big pond,
So that whatever environment, we will grow

Growing in God is not easy... as we thought it is
It goes through all roughs and toughs, molding in our lives

At times where past became a reality to the present, when past hurts and wrongs brought back from the unknown
At times where offense hurts the worse and misunderstanding, misconception causes your lives to crumble
At times when we don't get what we want and we can have, and we can't do anything about it, we just trembled and cried
At times when things closest to your heart hurt the most, and you can't say anything about it
At times we 'emo', don't know what to do and don't know where are we going, not sure if the directions are correct.

Now i've understand when God says, every area of our lives
God's light need to shine in every areas of our lives
Not just the past, not just the present
But E-V-E-R-Y AREA of our lives

And for us, though it feels hard, it feels unacceptable, it feels not fair
But God is nudging every inch out of you, so that you'll be walking in the perfect will of God

"It is the Perfect will of God for the imperfection of us, so that we'll worked out to work towards perfection in His will"

Not to stay put, but move on.

Nobody is perfect. But God is.

He was, He is and is to come

Love,
me

Wow

2009-09-12T09:09:00.003+08:00

Waking up with my migraine gone!

The first rarest times in history of prolong migraines ever since 15 years of age is a remarkable historical placement in the timeline and history of chek yeow and a great milestone in marking the achievement of non migrainal consciousness in the elaborative steps of time! (Chim-glish)

Simply to say...

Waking up with my migraine's gone. Still have neck pain, but it's better! (:

Can start planning things more properly now!

Love,
me

Seriously....

2009-09-10T09:23:00.003+08:00

If the pain in the middle of my back of the head subsides, everything will be better.., I'll feel better , my reaction won't be so weird and everything will be clearer..

Not sure what it is, but it's weird and painful and it affects everything in my life.

Migraine Migraine, gone in Your name! is it really Migraine?

Scapegoat

2009-09-01T23:19:00.002+08:00

Scapegoat is a negative word to express an unjustified sacrifice for a unjust cause.
But Jesus is our scapegoat who died on that cross

But He died, in faith, knowing that He will be able to rise up 3 days and 3 nights later victorious

Because He obeyed the Word of His Father

Do He like it? Nope
He said in the Garden of Gethsemane that, if it's possible, take this cup away from Him, but nevertheless by God's will, not His.

Does He liked to be looked down, ridiculed, mocked, tarnished upon? Nope, but He said "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing"

But He taken all the burden, all the blames and put it on Himself, and by His death, He puts to death the burdens He holds through His flesh.

He Died for us. So that the penalty of sin has been lifted through Him to see the Father

It's so amazing yet so true.

A Sacrificial love.

A love that's a sacrifice, through faith by revelations, knowingly, counted the cost and obeying God til the end.

That's Jesus.

Beautiful Sacrifice

I'm a Fool....

2009-09-01T23:14:00.004+08:00

I'm a Fool..... for Christ
Who's Fool are you?

(: The words of an On fire Christian

I'm just inspired.
Jim Elliot
David Livingstone

gave their lives

Martin Luther King
Because of a Dream, led the reforms for the Negro people, then was assasinated

They don't just live it, they sacrificed. Just because they love Jesus and wanted everyone to know about/ know Him.

I want to live a life, living God's will and dream. No matter what, no matter when.

Love,
me

Hmm...

2009-08-25T03:17:00.003+08:00

Probably no one may ever know what is the heart behind all these things

"Probably"

Eveyone may see things in their own eyes
But what matters is what God says

Well, I'm loved by God =)

Just don't know what to say and react though
Haha, need to breakthrough certain mindsets, also don't want to stay like this forever.
Imagine me not really talking, super weird..

I'm loved

I am a son of God, a servant in the House of God, a member of a workforce, I have a great (both spiritual and physical) family, loving my life, I have great Pastors, I have great leaders, I am working for the cause of God, I have dreams of God, I still have a lot of things unfinish to do and to clear. My past has been redeemed, my future has been set by God. I have an exciting life in God now =)

Lovely,

Love,
me

Focusing

2009-08-24T16:11:00.003+08:00

Just don't know what to react right now
Just don't know how to

But i'll just do my work
To focus on my God first

I have things to finish
Projects to complete

Tasklist seems long
But i'm gonna take this
Carry it
Finish it

As promised
As said
my word is my integrity

Need to hang on
Seems tired

God is with me
Feels like i'm trying ignore

But, God gave us work before anything else. Matt 6:33

A man of my word.

(=

Time is Now

2009-08-16T06:06:00.004+08:00

Just woke up in an inspiration from a dream. It goes like this:

You can't change your past
Cause it is done, it is done
You can't change your future
Cause you don't know when it's going to happen
But you can change is NOW

The NOW that you change can affect the future
The NOW you are living in will be a thing of the past in every second tick
The NOW you are spending will determine your future
The NOW you are going through will be the fruits for your future reaping
The NOW that you pray for the people is going to show in the future

Every step you take, Every decision you make, Every Breath you breathe

The NOW you are living with
are you going to stay put or start up?
are you going to lay low or rise up?

We are living in the future of the past
It's like a time frame, every second becomes like a frame, it's like frame per second
It's like every action is documented and archive to the things that you do, the people you met, the mistakes you've made.

We are also living in the NOW hope of the future
You never know when is end is coming
Every second we live is only in hope of the next second, cos you'll never when end will come

Life is too short
That's why God ask us to count our blessings, not hurts, not curses, not sacrifice
Cause our sacrifice that we've been through, God knows that in the future He will return you in payment full. The sacrifice that we have given, the choice that we have taken.

Visions are like frosted glass of your purpose in God
Visions show that things can be done in God's way
Visions show that in hope and perseverance, that God will do His perfect will in you

Giftings are like what God gave you to be able to do in God's purpose
Talents you have and acquired will be able to show that God's work and fruits through you
Burden will show what wreck you heart, in things that you do, shall be a revelation of what you can do in the future

What ever things that you do now, whatever decisions you've made now, it's going to affect your future. You can always change NOW

What's your decisions and actions for NOW?
Cause God is able to change your circumstances and situations if you decide now that God is able.

That's my Lord, what's more if You can see that God is outside of the realm of time
Looking, waiting for you to act, so God will react on how to bring you to His purpose
He foresees for us, knowingly where we are going, knowingly letting us go through the trials and tribulation, so that we will be made perfect in His purpose

God is a planner for Your future, has an archive of your past and an onlooker and decision-maker of Your now. That's why in Hebrews chapter 12, we have to make a decision to throw away our weights and lay aside our sins that easily ensnares us of what is coming. Cause everyone that was before us has run his/her race, waiting for us to run ours in the full glory of God.

Will you run?
Will you make that decision?
It is the NOW that we have.

That's my Lord
Galatians 6:9

Past. Present. Future
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

God sees it, He plans and He already knows.
So what's Your decisions of the NOW?

Love,
me

My Life, Your song

2009-08-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

I know my life is full of clauses
I know my life is full of pauses
I know my life is full of uphills
I know my life is full of downhills

But i know one thing

Despite my life is full of limitation
I will go on

Despite my world keeps crashing
I will go on

Despite everything seems to be stopping me for going on
I will go on

Despite Life's pressures and pleasures are tempting
I will go on

Despite my Life's ups and downs
I will go on

Despite on Hot wok or Freezing temperatures
I will go on

As a Potter with His hands
Mould me, Change me and Break me
Let everything be changed into what You've desire
You are my master, and i'm Your masterpiece
If i'm in the fire, i will know that Your hands will always bring me out
If i'm on the shelf, i will know that Your hands will select me once everything seems in place
If i'm having cracks all over, You will break me down and remould it again

For every tune, there's an inspiration
For every inspiration there's a depth
For every depth, the source will be shown

My Life, Your song

Not Gonna

2009-08-09T02:59:00.002+08:00

I'm not going to be comfortable any more
I'm not going to be feeling defeated any more
I'm not going to be racing in the same thought patterns any more
I'm not going to be affected by the past any more
I'm not going to be feeling limited any more
I'm not going to be getting into self-pity any more
I'm not going to let my fear of public speaking to limit me
I'm not going to let my fear of falling limit me
I will NEVER let my circumstances and situations to limit me

Spirit makes man
I am bigger than this
I am a child of God

I have a great family
I have great pastors
I have great leaders
I aspire to be one

Never limit. Faith is my limit

Bring me higher.
much higher.

I'm gonna see more what You see
I'm gonna do more what You do

I'm going to run
I'm going to stand

Everyone has it's own past
Everyone has it's own pace
Everyone has it's own problems and situations

But i'm not gonna to
It's now or never

Running for You

Gonna stand, Gonna run

2009-08-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

Life's gonna be harder
Things are gonna be more complex
Dreams seems further than expected
Visions seems far far away

But as i walk in the valley of the shadows
I will fear no evil

God You are my refuge and my shield
The love You have given me, i shall remember still

Overwhelmed
Overcome

Lord, You have made me what I've become
Looking up, looking straight
The way i walk towards the path You have made

My Lord, My God
My Lord. My God

You Reign
You Reign

I shall keep Your dreams and Visions
I shall keep Your call in my life
No matter what happens
I'm gonna serve You all my life

Whatever hands,
Whatever i've ever had
Towards You i will run

And i know You will give me everything
When my time is done

As a sower sow His seed
As Your Word i will keep

Loving You will never be easy
Loving You will take all of me

But,
I'll do it

for You

Love,
me

To Build

2009-07-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

To build is a decision
To hold on is a decision
To not take heart is a decision
To not lose heart, it is a decision

My decision to build, my decision to do what i do, my decision to love people even more, my decision to change.

God, i will be changeable
God, i will be able to be moulded even more
God, i will grow and keep on growing.

It's a decision to trust God. Love God and walk with Him.

Love,
me

Inspired by Service!

2009-07-26T23:03:00.003+08:00

Purity, Heart and Focus!

Moutains may come
Seas may Rage
But God You Remain

Time may come
Time will pass
But God You see my heart

For every obstacle, there will be victories
For every mountain, there will be solutions

My soul is lifted
My heart is melted

For every word, You humbled me
For every song, You comforted me
For every love, You trusted me
For every faith, You have given to me

I'll dance for last
For every battle I fought
For every song I sing

I will live my life for Yours

Every decision I've made
Every test I've been
Every step I've take
My life for You will never change

My life, Your Cause, Your Call,

My life

During service, God really encouraged me with a my own story,
He shows me the purity if my decisions and
He knows the purity of my decisions

Knowing that despite i've fall, been through situations, He knows my heart

I will never let my own problems, fall or anything to be influenced on the other issues in my life. He knows that i have self-control over all these.

He knows that despite of anything coming at me, i will still stand

He knows that

I know that

I will stand

On His Word

On His Promises

I'll stand

Proverbs 30:5
Every word of God is pure;
He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.

I'll stand. I'll trust. I'll walk

Isa 58:12 - My Life, Your Call

Love,
me

Headache =S

2009-07-26T22:57:00.003+08:00

God, i'm sure my headache will go away...
It's been 10 yrs ever since i've started to have bad headaches...

God, i'm sure there's a way, i'm sure there's a way

Thank You God.

I'm not going to let my headaches be the hindrance of my life.

I Thank You God for this life that i have. And i know by faith, my Headaches will go away.

Love,
me

Yay! Mission Accomplished!!! =D

2009-07-25T03:45:00.007+08:00

The "Music" Corner

An Angled shot of my clock

My "Work" Space... LOL

The Make-shift "Cold Wear" Place

"Business" Corner

And finally my Cozy BED!

Haha! I've just finished my finishing touch!

O.P.E.R.A.T.I.O.N.R.O.O.M.C.L.E.A.N. is FINALLY COMPLETED!

I can put a tick on my checklist after a long long time!!

After having a lot of hiccups in the between to pack my stuffs, i've finally packed up everything!!! After all these years... LOL

=================================

Feeling soooo fulfilled and good of myself! =D

Anyways, time to keep up with everything on my Task list. It's never ending, but i'll make sure it will be done for every single thing! I'll finish some how! =)

Loves things to be neat, clean and tidy! Finally felt revitalised all of a sudden! Haha

I'm finally getting use to routine with different things set in place.

Probably need a day-to-day checklist for clean up and archiving, just realised that i can optimise my room space even more. My room got potential for more room! LOL

I just love this!

Love the routine
Love the work
Love everyday's life!

Life is gonna be more exciting than this!

Imagine how God view our life everyday with a plan, purpose, direction and vision!

It's just feels great!

Lovely, lovely! (:

Love,
me

Work? No Excuse =)

2009-07-23T04:09:00.002+08:00

1 Timothy 4:12 - 13
12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.

This is what God is challenging me to go up to the next level.

"Hands in the Plough"

Jesus said that we are the light and salt of the world. we are suppose to go into the world and be the light (the guiding and leading light) and also the salt (the flavour). In order to be the light and salt, we must be leading, we must be the example that even when you work, it's no excuse to serving. I was very inspired by Pst How's msg. We can have excellence studies and still be able to serve excellently in church. Same things applies for work. We can be excellence in our work and serve excellently in church.

It is never an either or, but is a will and do.

I've just realise my sleeping pattern is getting lesser nowadays, suddenly i'm sleeping lesser, sleeping from 12 - 3 or 4am or sleep from 2 - 3 to 630am. Inevitably my headaches will come and and i will be forced to sleep for 6 hrs, but you know the story.

And on Tuesday, CG was powerful! KS shared something powerful during CG. If God call us to do things increasingly, we'll do, and even if God said that hey, this season I want you to do something else. We'll do. Cause i'm sure God will put us into different seasons in doing things and everything is in the plan of God. Although i'm still having headache at that point of time, but the Word sow into my heart. God was asking, can you stretch even more?

To me i've realised, God is trying to stretch me even more, it's like, right now, i'm on a routine for work, 8 - 530pm or 9 - 630pm, and i only have few hours from here and there before i sleep and i go to work.

But that doesn't means I can't serve.

My work is not an excuse of not serving
My work is not an excuse for ministry
My work is not an excuse for doing things for God

Before any blessings, any Promises of God to come to pass, before any ministry to grow, there was work, inside and outside.

There will be no excuse for me to work and not serve.

I'm gonna build the Kingdom of God first, no matter where, no matter when.

Building on the invisible. I'm not gonna back out, nor back down.

S-T-R-E-T-C-H

Hands in the Plough. Let's do work! =)

Love,
me

Seasons and Timings =)

2009-07-16T06:52:00.003+08:00

I'm update more on this post

It's another season for me, but i'll grow stronger no matter what happens.
When you think Generations, your thought just gets bigger by the second =)

"Redemption, Connection and Impaction of Lives" - Isa 58:12

Dreaming =)

2009-07-12T05:11:00.008+08:00

Symphony Arrangement

Well..., it cost nothing to dream =)

When Perfoming Arts Grows, i'll be able to do Orchestra arrangements, Seating Arrangements, musicals and music planning like this. =)

A Symphony, CO and Performing Arts for God

Redemption of Music, Bridging of Generations and Impacting Lives with the Power, Sovereignty and the Love of God

When every music turns back to her Father and the Father back to her =)

We might need an even bigger Stage

One day, one day... hahaha.. okay i'm high on dreams and visions =P
Okay it's 5:30 am, i've better get some slp and wake up early to plan even more things =D

=P

Isa 58:12 - Vision, Mission, Lifesong

Love,
me

Building People, Impacting Lives

2009-07-12T00:54:00.002+08:00

I'm so impacted by DR AR Bernard yesterday and sinked in to Pastor How's Sermon today! We are an unique church that we need to keep building it!!

No limitations

God, Your visions and dreams i've still remembered, and i will keep on holding on

It's 100% or 0%

This is what's my life for You will be: a 100% of me for You

My utmost for Your HIGHEST

Recalibrated the Dreams and the Visions You have given to me, i'm going to build on it. And i'm gonna push it all out to bring Glory to Your name.

Love You
100%

For You had love me sacrificially, I'm giving my best for You. Limitations are off.
Words holds weight, and i'm going to make it come to pass.

Love,
me

To Follow

2009-07-11T00:19:00.005+08:00

I think this will be a new post but of the same content. The previous one sounds thought provoking and the topics quite blatantly put across, but i think it's a season for me also, to learn, to humble myself again back to God, to really live out God's purpose in me...

I think what i'm feeling right now is like my dreams are been put to a test by God.. It's like Joseph, when he has a dream, it was been delayed and then death and then been resurrected again.. I remembered how Pastor Lia preached this and it stuck into my heart, i know for every dream of God, it will go through this process.

I really thank God for Pastors and Leaders for sowing in my life and i know that no matter what happens, i'll be there to build the church and i know, i need to be faithful and God is and will always be faithful

It's a new phase of life beginning, new work, ministry... But i've purposed to always remind myself, i am a builder, i still have vision in life for the cause of God

It's a time of character fine tuning, a time for me to humble and say "God, i'm nothing without You"
and a good time for me to reflect and review on the things i've done. Yup, i think i'm still human and we all do make mistakes, bad/wrong decisions. But in the end, we've learn t, God comes in cleans this mess out and we are whole again.
Grow me and Mould me even more in Character, Heart and everything that God wants me to be.

"I am in Your Hands, Mould me, Shape me, Break me even more for Your Masterpiece"

All in all, i'm going to follow what's Pastors visions are, gonna keep growing and serving, and no matter what, i'm still in gratitude for Pastors and Leaders for everything they have done! =)

And i'm going to keep on having the vision, and a privilege to run with Pastors and Leaders and everyone before me for a Bigger Vision. The Vision that Pastors carried and build on, i want to build on and keep on carrying the burden and to raise people up to their fullest potential, and i want to be faithful to what we are doing:

Love God, Love People, Love Life

Humbled myself, getting ready for the next phase of life! =)

Isa 58:12 - Vision, Mission, Life-song
Let my Lifesong sings to You
Living for You

Here I am, Broken to You, Let my Life, be Your Clay

Love,
me

My Life, Your Cause

2009-07-10T15:36:00.002+08:00

Clinging on to Your Visions and Dreams
No matter how hard, no matter how much things need to be done.

My Life, Your Cause